Universal Ortho H&P Rescues Surgeons From Pain and Suffering.

Rosemont, IL -  David Teuscher, President of the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons (AAOS), confirmed yesterday a universal H&P that just needs to be signed by the surgeon is the best selling product offered by the society.

"The H&P is by far the best selling product our society has ever had!" said Dr. Teuscher.  "As an ortho doc myself, I have personally struggled through H&Ps my entire professional life.  I wish I had these twenty years ago."

With Hospitalists increasingly refusing to do 'Need pre-op H&P' consults, ortho doctors have increasingly found themselves in the uncomfortable position of having to complete an  H&P, especially ones on patients with no actual medical problems.

Dr.  Stitch Ansaw,  a prominent orthopaedic surgeon who admits he doesn't know what H&P actually stands for,  says the AAOA template has already saved at least one of his patients from needless suffering.

"I hadn't done an H&P for at least 10 years.  Last week a Hospitalist said they couldn't get to my stat 5 a.m. pre-op H&P consult for least 30 minutes because of  three code blues they were running simultaneously at three different hospitals.  That's just ridiculous.  Here my 48 year old patient with no medical problems and stable ring-finger OA is suffering needlessly and they're too busy to help me do paperwork for surgery.  Because of the AAOA template, I  was able to get this H&P thing done without delay and my lady is now on the road to recovery."

Contrarily, Hospitalists were thrilled to learn of the society's plan to help surgeons complete required pre-operative work.   Dr. Burke Kealey, President of the Society of Hospital Medicine, commended AAOS officials for their proactive approach to helping their members not look so helpless in the eyes of everyone around them.

Ortho is thrilled with their new universal H&P template!
"I'm actually quite surprised orthopaedic surgeons need help completing an H&P.  Most of them completed four years of medical school and at least five years of residency training, which is two years more than even the brightest internist.   You'd think they would have picked up a few H&P pointers from the medicine guys in those nine years," said Dr. Kealey.

Dr. Kealey admits he has little compassion for his poor ortho colleagues.  "I watched an ortho colleague the other day struggle for two hours trying to complete the universal H&P form while mumbling 'H&Ps are for little people' the whole time.  All he had to do was sign the form and be done."

For a scant $1,799 annual fee, ortho doctors  have been promised unlimited access to this copy write protected level 3 ortho H&P.  "Our members will never have to worry about doing an H&P ever again," said Dr. Teuscher from his 4 million dollar condo in Maui, paid for by AAOS H&P proceeds.

"I think we can probably charge 10X that amount and still not lose any sales."

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