Nurse Admitted to Hospital After Literally Working Her Ass Off.

Houston, TX -  After years of mandatory overtime, 16-hour days without a restroom break and a revolving door of understaffed and overworked conditions as a hospital nurse, it finally happened.  Jan Stevens, R.N. was admitted to the hospital last week shortly after her ass literally fell off during a busy day in which two nurses called in sick at the last minute, without explanation, on a sunny Friday afternoon.

"I tell my husband and kids all the time that I'm exhausted after working my ass off at work , but I never thought it would actually happen," said Jan.

The strange event occurred while Jan was giving Ativan to an old and naked demented guy trying to ask her out on a date while two young Facebookers demanded more Dilaudid for their abdominal pain of no possible cause, one patient's out-of-town physician daughter was on hold waiting to reverse an end-of-life DNR and two smokers descended on the nurses station, in their street clothes, asking when the doctor would be there to discharge them.

"I was just standing there, overwhelmed with nonsense, when I felt a sudden weight lifted off my pelvis.   I turned around and  there was my ass laying on the floor in a pool of c diff.," said Jan.

Rapid response team members transported the hard working nurse to the  ER where Emergency physicians worked for hours to try and find an admitting physician.

"The ER doctor told me he was working his ass off to find a surgeon to admit me and I just looked at him and shook my head.  I told him 'You don't get to say that to me today.'"

Surgeons working their asses off to fix Jan's ass.
Hospital officials were stunned by the work related injury, but they admit it was only a matter of time before something like this was bound to happen.

"We've got some pretty hard workers here at the hospital but Jan is one of our best.  We'll have to take this incident back to our 12 committees to start a root cause analysis,"   said Wendy Stenson, Vice President of Meetings.

"But regardless of what we find, we just don't have the money to increase staffing ratios.  Maybe we'll think about  implementing mandatory prophylactic ass taping for all our staff."

Since Jan's remarkable event went viral, she has received hundreds of job offers, but Jan is thinking about taking advantage of the workers' compensation lifestyle for awhile instead.

"I think I've earned it."

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