Heart Hospital Scrambles After All Cardiologists Call In Stuck After Snowstorm.

Boston, MA -  Massachusetts Heart Hospital was forced to scramble over the weekend after every single cardiologist called in stuck after a snowstorm dropped over two feet of snow on the city.  House Supervisor Jan Stevenson was notified of the hospital wide physician shortage after nurses started complaining nobody had rounded on any patients for nearly 48 hours, which isn't always unusual.

"Some nurses became concerned after the first  24 hours, but we decided to hold tight because it was actually nice having none of the doctors around.  After 48 hours, out of physician courtesy, we called every single cardiologist on staff to find out where the Hell they were. Of the 13 [cardiologists] that answered their phones,  not a single one of them could get out of their neighborhood in their really expensive real-wheel drive sports cars," said Jan, who had no problem making it to work in Benton, her awesome 1997 front-wheel drive Grand Am with 240,000 miles under its belt.

Despite the total absence of physicians, the 100 bed heart hospital remained fully staffed with over 250 nurses, respiratory therapists and pharmacists who traveled as far as 100 miles away through ten foot snow drifts following nights of drunken stupor to make it to the hospital for their morning shifts. "Not a single one of our staff was even close to getting stuck," said Jan, who noted the average staff car was 14 years old, had 180,000 miles, three good tires, moderate rust and was named Trusty."

"That says a lot about the kind of people who work here,"  added Jan.

A hospital marketing team took advantage of the blizzard-like conditions to send out a press release reporting 99.8% of their staff made it to their shift with a country leading  Snowstorm-to-Shift-Arrival-Time of under 90 minutes, but conveniently left out the part about having no physicians in the hospital.

"Damn Ferrari got stuck in my garage, again" 
Of the 13 cardiologists who returned the frantic call for help, seven had their Porsche 911 stuck in a snow drift by their homes' mailbox while four lucky cardiologists made it all the way to the entrance of their neighborhood by keeping their 7-series Beamer in low gear.  One doctor's Tesla ran out of juice just minutes after plugging in his iPhone and the 13th cardiologist was unlucky enough to have his Ferrari get high centered in his 14 car heated garage after several dozen snowflakes accidently made it in.

"Damn Ferrari got stuck in my garage again,"  said Dr. Donald Fleming, the cardiologist who revolutionized the use of nurse practitioners, PlayStation 3 and an internet connection to do heart caths from the comfort of his home.

To make it through the weekend, Heart Hospital officials initiated emergency protocols allowing hospitalists to round as cardiologists until the streets were cleared.  "I've never seen so many minivans in the doctors' lot in my life.  It was kind of embarrassing,"  said Jan.

"We have snow days too.  And by snow days I mean we get our asses to work on days with three feet of snow."
We have snow days too.  And by snow days I mean we get our butts to work on days with three feet of snow nurse ecard humor photo. Medical Humor Store Banner

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