Product Review: The Nice Voice Surgical Mask

Boston, MA --  Healthcare professionals have reason to rejoice with TLC Industry's new language  transformation filter - The Nice Voice - that promises to allow medical professionals to speak their minds without fear of losing their jobs.

The Nice Voice was created by Robin Hruska, a hospital floor nurse reprimanded last year for telling an attention seeking  20 year-old female admitted through the ER with generalized weakness - after she refused to go home and take care of herself - to put down her phone, stop being a whiny little brat and get her ass out of bed.

Though it looks exactly like a surgical mask,  The Nice Voice contains hidden proprietary electronic circuitry that can sense angry, mean or cynical comments in real time and transform them into beautiful streams of poetic complements.

"I thought it was ridiculous that I couldn't say whatever was on my mind at work,"  said Robin, who never missed an opportunity to provide witty commentary after a patient-family-doctor tirade.

Now with her Nice Voice, Robin can tell it like it is. "Even though I'm surrounded by idiots all day long, I feel true to myself saying what I'm thinking without fear of losing my job." said Robin, who's colleagues actually miss her edgy attitude, except for that one little snitch in every bunch.

Robin's first post marketing test of The Nice Voice worked amazingly well.  While talking to nurses John and Brenda at a rare lunch break, Robin said, "Did you see that slutty Facebook picture of Cindy yesterday?  What a whore."  But what John and Brenda actually heard was, "Cindy is one of my best friends and I would waste Dilaudid with her anytime."

While some patients may wonder why their nurse is wearing a surgical mask, Robin says this concern is easily alleviated by telling the patient they got the flu from their flu shot and refuse to get one again.  "Patients are well aware of the flu shot causing the flu and understand that angle completely," said Robin.

The Nice Voice also works well in communicating with difficult doctors and surgeons.   Robin says she is constantly asking for orders to control her old-naked-roaming population.  She recently spoke with a Hospitalist to request wrist restraints but was told no.

Never let honesty get you in trouble again.
Robin told the Hospitalist, "Give me wrist restraint orders or I'm going to be your sh*t storm for the rest of your life."  But what actually came out was, "I'm thankful for the excellent care you and the rest of your Hospitalist team provide day in and day out in a very difficult and challenging environment."

One surgeon going through his 7th mandatory sensitivity training class in two years tried The Nice Voice for one day and will never go back to the way life was before.  "I just put on my Nice Voice surgical mask every morning and relive the good old days,"  said the God-surgeon.

Robin gave the mask to several nurses on her floor and they too were amazed at how therapeutic it was to say what they actually want to say without worrying about hurting the feelings of some emotionally unstable patient or colleague.

Jenny Armstrong, a new graduate nurse, who is currently molting from kind and caring nurse to burned out and cynical nurse, gave The Nice Voice a try and found a new inner peace with saying what she meant.

"Go home lady.  You're driving me crazy!"  Jenny told a hovering wife who wouldn't leave the room.   But what the lady heard was, "Your husband would be grateful to know you never leave his side in the hospital.  You are his shining light during times of pain and suffering."

Down in the ER,  Dr. Frank Fillmore was amazed at how good The Nice Voice made him feel by not having to be politically correct all day long. 

When dealing with a crazy lady interrupting his football game,  Dr Fillmore said, "Your pathetic pseudoseizure attempt is giving me pseudoseizures."  But what she heard was, "I thank you for choosing our hospital for your healthcare needs.  We know you have many choices and we are honored you chose our hospital to seize with us."

Robin says she's considering using The Nice Voice in public too, especially at Walmart.  "I was in a checkout lane at Walmart when some lady pulled out 72 coupons, her checkbook and a bag of pennies. So I put on my mask and let her have it.  But what she actually heard was 'Merry Christmas.  Take your time.  I have nothing better to do.'"

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