The Blue Pill Reclassified as Schedule II Controlled Substance. Red and Green Pill to Follow Soon.

Silver Springs, MD -- The blue pill was reclassified  Monday as a Schedule II medication by the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) under the Controlled Substance Act of 1970.   Following the recent decision to change all hydrocodone combination products to Schedule II, the DEA, at the urging of FDA officials, felt the time was right to raise the bar in patient safety.

"The more we looked at the dangers of hydrocodone, the more convinced we became of the the blue pill's danger to our elderly population.  We have concluded that dependence on the blue pill is rampant and we hope reclassification will give doctors that extra incentive to overbook their  clinic to discuss the ongoing risks and benefits of blue pill therapy," said Dr Douglas Throckmorton, an FDA physician who's own mother succumbed to a blue pill addiction.

In 2013, FDA officials recommended the DEA reclassify the blue pill as a more restrictive Schedule II medication after receiving thousands of reports from patients complaining  the hospital nurse was 15 minutes late for their blue pill.

"The four times I was admitted to the hospital last month, I never once got my blue pill with my morning enema.  It's a wonder I'm still alive, " said Lilian Swanson, a completely healthy full code 98 year-old according to her 12 children, each of whom wrote a letter to the hospital CEO complaining about the average 15 minute delay in giving their mother the blue pill.

By reclassifying the blue pill as a Schedule II drug,  doctors will no longer be allowed to write refills or call in prescriptions. The blue pill joins morphine, Dilaudid, Fentanyl, Oxcycontin and hydrocodone, as drugs with a high potential for abuse.  Emergency Physicians questioned the FDA's move and said more elderly patients would simply come to the ER asking for refills of their blue pill and to have their ears checked for wax.

Blue and Red Pill changed to Schedule II 
"It's only been a day since the blue pill went Schedule II and already I've had 72 old people in my ER asking for a blue pill refill and it's not even a Saturday," said Dave Ben, an ER physician with two first names.

The transition to Schedule II has not been without difficulty.  Some hospitals misinterpreted the DEA ruling and have required physicians and non-physician practitioners to personally carry a hand written blue pill prescription to their central hospital pharmacy for all their patients currently admitted in the hospital.

"The DEA is really cracking down on Schedule II compliance.  My superiors have told me not to dispense any blue pills for our inpatients unless the provider personally comes to my stock room and hands me a prescription," said Ward Jennings, a new pharmacy grad who says WTF under his breath at least 172 times a day.

In addition to blue pill restrictions, practitioners should anticipate Schedule II restriction for the red pill and green pill in the coming months.

Print Friendly and PDF