Facebook Changes Relationship Status Updates To Ebola Status Updates.

Palo Alto, CA --  Facebook announced Saturday they have  removed relationship status updates and replaced them with Ebola status updates in high risk groups to allow rapid communication with family, friends, and friends of friends. Relationship status currently receives over one billion views a day worldwide and is widely considered the most reliable method of disseminating public health information.

Homeland Security officials have been working with Facebook representatives for several months to implement Ebola status updates as an alternative to CDC reporting.  The changes went live after Ebola virus patient Thomas Eric Duncan was admitted to a Dallas, Texas hospital earlier this week.

Facebook Ebola Status Updates
While some public officials question the use of Facebook Ebola status updates as replacement for  formal CDC reporting,  Facebook remains confident their algorithms can focus in on groups at highest risk for contracting Ebola.

"After mining through trillions of personal data points in the last week alone, we know Facebook users who post hourly cat memes, use third person language,  and post selfies with emoticons are most at risk for contracting Ebola.  We are pushing Ebola status updates extra hard on this population," said Francis Winter, Facebook's Ebola Project Manager.

While Facebook is counting on high risk groups to self report, they are also hoping friends and family report face-to-face evidence of fever and hemorrhage on their own Facebook status updates.

"We like to call this herd immunity in social media," said Francis.

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