Ebola Virus Mutates On Entry Into United States. Responds To Antibiotics

Atlanta, GA -  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is reporting two American aid workers who contracted Ebola hemorrhagic fever while treating others in West Africa have started responding to treatment with antibiotics.

 "Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine Ebola would respond to antibiotics," Dr. Feldor Baldink, a public health physician with the CDC, said in a statement Sunday.

 Dr. Kent Brantley and Nancy Writebol were flown urgently back to the United States and transferred to Emory University, one of just a handful of American medical centers that are specially equipped to do nothing for  patients infected with Ebola virus. Frank Kilmore, Emory's Infection Control Officer, said, "When I first heard about these poor Ebola patients, I searched our basement and found several extra boxes of yellow isolation gowns.  I have instructed all medical and nursing students, the only team members given access to the patient, to double gown, double glove and double mask whenever they enter the isolation zone."

With both victims isolated and staff members protected, doctors at the CDC worked
around-the-clock searching Google for homeopathic and alternative medicine therapies.  A conference call with Dr. Oz provided some insight into potential treatment options.  "I believe a combination of pulsed electromagnetic field therapy and high dose colon cleanse with my proprietary formula should be implemented immediately," said Dr. Oz.

After both therapies failed, the CDC reached out to Atlanta pediatrician Dr. John Hardystrom for answers.  "For years I've been telling my parents that antibiotics don't work on viruses.  And for years my parents have been telling me they they don't care what I think.  So I finally said, 'The heck with it all.  Antibiotics for everyone!  One of these days a virus will mutate and respond to antibiotics.'"

After careless consideration, Dr. Baldink and his team implemented shotgun therapy with Levaquin, Zosyn, Vancopime, Flagyl, and Gorillacillin.  Much to their surprise, both Ebola virus victims have shown dramatic improvement in their symptoms with antibiotics and time.

"I don't always treat patients with Ebola virus.  But when I do, I look it up on Google."

I don't always treat patients with Ebola virus, ,but when I do I look it up on Google photo meme humor photo

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