What Is a Physic? Don't Know? Ask Your Grandma, Not Your Doctor

Patients teach doctors every day.  For example, do you want to know what a physic is?  Don't ask this doctor.  Ask your grandmother.

Elderly woman: I haven't had a poop in three days. I need a physic tonight.
Happy:  What's a physic?
Elderly woman:  What's a physic?  How old are you?
Happy:  I just turned 18.  Just kidding.  I'm 38 years old
Elderly woman:  Oh honey.  You're too young to know what a physic is.  Ask your grandmother.
Happy:  I took a year of physics in college, but what is a physic?
Elderly woman:  It's something to help you poop.  Your grandmother would know.
Happy:  Alrighty then.  A physic it is.  I'm going to write an order for a prn physic.
Several minutes later:
Happy: Can you order a physic for the lady in 12 before she goes to her room?   I'm thinking a brown cow enema will do.
ER Doctor: What's a physic?

Just another one of your typical 3 am hospitalist admissions with Happy.  Still don't know what a physic is?  Ask your grandmother.  What ever you do, don't ask a doctor or nurse.  I suspect even the pharmacist wouldn't know. I can appreciate how the lingo changes with time.  What used to be CHF is now acute hypoxemic respiratory failure secondary to acute on chronic systolic heart failure.  Give it 20 years.  There will be no doctors or nurses who know what "CHF" is.  And we'll have patients walking around with no clue about what they have and how to make proactive decisions to prevent complications.    I guess, in that regards, nothing much will ever change.

This post is for entertainment purposes only and likely contains humor only understood by those in a health care profession. Read at your own risk. 

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