EHR Updates During Busiest Time of Day Preferred By Hospital Doctors.

Grand Rapids, Michigan - Epic Systems Corporation, the maker of a leading electronic health records (EHR) product, has confirmed most physicians prefer to have their patient data management system go offline during times of peak patient encounters.

A recent study published in the Journal of Electronic Health Records asked 5280 physicians at four Michigan hospitals with at least two years of EHR experience when they prefer to have their system go offline for routine weekly maintenance. An overwhelming 77% preferred the hours of 3 - 7 pm on Mondays.  The other 23% answered not applicable as they had not yet logged into their local patient management system or performed a single computerized physician order entry.

Having an EHR system shut down for routine maintenance can be challenging.  Years of research has suggested  practicing high quality care without access to  patient records and an order entry platform can compromise patient safety, place computer keyboards at risk for traumatic injury and lead to vulgar language from doctors and nurses.

Stanley Jensen, Epic's Chief Maintenance Officer, said, "We were surprised most physicians enjoy having their busiest time of day interrupted."  Mr Jensen indicated his team  had planned on changing routine maintenance work to the middle of the night to minimize physician and nurse interruptions, but this survey changed his mind.

"I used to think having Epic go down for hours when I'm trying to admit  eight patients through the ER, return 42 pages at the same time, run three codes and eat a late afternoon snack was ridiculous. But then I realized, it's a perfect chance for me to yell profanities and break stuff without remorse,  " said Michigan University Hospitalist Jeb Feldor.

As a result of this ground-breaking study, most other EHR companies are looking for ways to maximize workflow interruptions of doctors and nurses.

Hospital Emergency Department Testing Drones To Deliver Bad News.

Newport, Connecticut -  Trendy Hospital in Newport Connecticut is the first medical center in the United States to implement a drone program for delivering bad news in the emergency department.

Frank Gilmore, Chief Technical Drone Operator at Trendy Hospital, says "Our beta testing results are through the roof."

Drone is slang for an unmanned aerial vehicle.  Their use has rapidly expanded into many facets of everyday life.  At Trendy Hospital, drone use is currently limited to the delivery of bad news.  "We don't want our patients associating bad news with any single physician.  The risk of bad patient satisfactions scores is just too great," said Dick Janick, Chief Survey Operator at Trendy Hospital.

The drone shift has rapidly escalated into the most popular shift for Emergency Medicine physicians at Trendy. "I hate my job, except for the drone shift.  I'll show up an hour early just to hang out with Denny [the Drone]," says Dr Lisa Bleckman, a cynical  physician with 22 years experience.

In addition, Dr Bleckman said, "Denny told five patients in one day they weren't getting any Dilaudid.  He got yelled at and swung at and nearly crashed.  So I taught him to drop f-bombs as a way to defend himself."

A recent ruling by The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) allows drones to practice medicine without a license, as long as a board certified physician, licensed by the newly formed Federal Aviation Medicare Services (FAMS), is operating them.  The fee starts at $1,000 a year for the smallest drones, rising rapidly to $12,000 a year for drones with IV starting capabilities in ED patients who say they want a PICC line to draw blood because they don't have any veins.

Ben Fledman, CEO of National Hospital Compliance (NHC) , worries about the risk of drone compliance in the hospital.  "We recently formed a wholly owned subsidiary of NHC called DroneMD to help hospitals navigate the rapidly expanding hospital drone market.  For example, Nurse Practitioners and Physician Assistants have not been given drone license privileges.  Do you know the penalties if they get caught using them?  DroneMD knows."

Trendy Hospital plans to roll out drone use to hospital wards in the next year to assist hospitalists with being in two places at once.

Foreign Bodies Left in the OR. Major US Hospital Shut Down.

Baltimore, MD - The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) announced the closing yesterday of world famous Johns Hopkins University Hospital after three foreign bodies* were left in the operating room on the same day.

"I've been in the O.R. business for 20 years and I've never seen three foreign bodies left in the O.R. on the same day," said Amy Blamer, a random a surgical technologist from Kansas with 23 years experience who was interviewed for this story.

On August 9th, 2014, a whistleblower notified CMS that that Dupang Mahepedra, Xiarp Xoxoxo, and Tariq Mohammad all died in the operating room.  All three patients were MARTI translators on their way to language cross training classes when their van was struck in a Walmart parking lot by a man on a power wheelchair.  

World class surgeons worked for 10 hours to try and save these fine men from their life threatening injuries.  Unfortunately, all three men passed away on the table.

Early reports indicate surgeons Dan Strong and Phil Braisen ripped off their scrubs, wiped the sweat off their brow and quietly left the operating suite with their heads down in silence.

"After they left the O.R. crying, I saw them enter the doctor lounge for a  Turkey sandwich.  The nerve of them," said a housekeeper who agreed to speak anonymously for fear of losing her job.  

Jim Ballstick, Head of Operating Room Privileges at CMS, was mortified.  "To have a surgeon leave three foreign bodies in the O.R. on the same day mandates corrective action immediately," he said, while drinking coffee and searching Ticketmaster for front row seats to Bon Jovi in Baltimore next week.

"I take my job seriously and literally.   I hope those surgeons know leaving three foreign bodies in the OR is not acceptable."  As a result of this CMS investigation, The Joint Commission is investigating this investigation to determine if they need to investigate something.  Anything.

Early reports indicated Johns Hopkins is working aggressively on a new marketing campaign aimed at smoothing over relations with the local foreign community.

"Leaving a foreign body in the O.R.? Aint nobody got time for that!"

Leaving a foreign body in the OR?  Aint' nobody got time for that humor memem photo

* The term foreign bodies is slang for leaving unintended objects in the body after surgery is complete and is considered a never event.  A recent CMS guideline published in document ME4598 mandates literal interpretation of this rule.

Ebola Virus Humor Memes and Stories.

I know it's hard to imagine that something as awful as Ebola virus could be funny.  Well, it's true.  The Happy Hospitalist has created a collection of mostly original Ebola humor content that can't be found anywhere else on the internet, except on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.  This humor is not meant to make light of the devastating disease and morbidity this virus has brought upon hundreds of West African natives and a couple of white Americans.  That pain and suffering is fully understood and appreciated.

We're all in this together, except for those in isolation.  They're in it alone.  Let's not hemorrhage our self respect and flame others for making light of such a terrible situation.  If you don't find this kind of sick, dark humor enjoyable, I ask that you please stop reading now and go here instead.  For those of you looking for some good ol' fashioned humor, I present to you The Happy Hospitalist Ebola Humor Meme and Story Collection!

"One does not simply observe Ebola."

One does not simply observe Ebola humor meme photo

"What if I told you Ebola has an ICD-10 code."

What if i told you ebola has an ICD-10 code humor meme photo.

"Orthopedic Surgeon operates on Ebola patient.  Estimates blood loss at only 5 RBCs."


"I don't always treat patient with Ebola. But when I do, I look it up on Google."

I don'tt always treat patients with Ebola virus, ,but when I do I look it up on Google humor meme photo.

"Prepare yourself. Ebola has gone viral!"

Prepare yourself.  Ebola has gone viral! photo goneviral_zps236e2fa5.jpg

Facebook Humor:
  • A Fox News study reported today has confirmed that most Americans blame Obamacare for the Ebola virus. The New York Times was unable to replicate the study.
  • Ebola vaccine at least 50 white people away -- The Onion
  • Should you be worried about Ebola?  A helpful chart.
Continue to checking in for updates to this entry for more Ebola humor stories and memes.

This post is for entertainment purposes only. It contains humor that may only be understood by some healthcare professionals. Read at your own risk.

Ebola Virus Joins Medicare List of 30 Day Readmission Penalties.

Washington, DC -  The Centers For Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) announced new payment guidelines for treatment of Ebola hemorrhagic fever.  Starting August 1st, 2014, Ebola virus disease, or ICD-10 A98.4 for short, has been added to the list of diagnoses with 30 day readmission penalties.

"Most Ebola patients will die within 30 days.  If they survive, we want to make sure CMS isn't stuck holding the bag,"  said Jane Fragbleff, Head of Operating Margins at Medicare.

Section 3025 of the Affordable Care Act, known by the street name Obamacare, requires CMS to reduce payments to hospitals with excess readmission rates after October 1st, 2012.  The addition of Ebola virus disease joins COPD and THA/TKA as new additions to the program for fiscal year 2015.

Jim, a 72 year-old midwestern redneck, believes the policy is aimed at eliminating old people.  "Hell, if I ever get Ebola, I'm stayin' 30 days in the hospital.  Ain't no govment takin' 'way my last breath.

In addition, medical facilities caring for patients with  hospital acquired Ebola virus will no longer get reimbursed for any additional resources, including double gowning and double gloving, required for isolatation and observation.

"Starting this month, Medicare considers hospital acquired Ebola infection a never event, as in we will never pay", said Plegm Bagdon, a CMS official who wished to remain anonymous as he was not intelligent enough to talk in public.

In one small victory for hospitals, Ebola virus is now a major complicating or comorbid condition (MCC).  CMS will pay an additional $5 per hospital stay when Ebola virus is listed as an MCC.  This change will  allow hospitals to divert additional funds away from philanthropic efforts to keep up with  rising car payments for administrators.

"What if I told you Ebola has an ICD-10 code."

What if i told you ebola has an ICD-10 code photohumor meme.