Local Hospital Mandates Super Bowl Fever Vaccine or Be Forced to Watch Soccer.

Seattle, WA -  Just hours after the Seattle Seahawks beat the Green Bay Packers on January 18th, 2015 to secure their place at  Super Bowl XLIX,  Seattle's Northern Hospital began announcing mandatory vaccines against Super Bowl Fever in a last ditch effort to prevent shutting down in the days following the big game.

For years, the Monday after Super Bowl Sunday has proven to be one of the biggest sick days of the year.  Cities with teams in the Super Bowl often experience extreme levels of unexplained illness that threatenes to shut down city services and access to public health.

But recent work by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has discovered a highly contagious class of virus - Sportolovirus - that causes sports team related mass illness.  Super Bowl Fever,  Stanley Cupitis and NBA Championship Flu are three recently discovered illnesses caused by the Sportolovirus.

Northern Hospital officials took a proactive approach this year by requiring all employees and contracted employees to obtain the Super Bowl Fever vaccine during a mass vaccination party just hours after the NFC Division Conference Championship win.  Without the vaccine, employs who call in sick on Super Bowl Monday will be required to watch soccer for three hours straight before returning to work.

"Two weeks ago, our top notch administrative team projected 80% of our staff would fall ill in the hours leading up to the Monday morning shift.  With the mandatory Super Bowl Fever vaccine, we project only 3% of our population will be subject to three hours of soccer,"  said CEO David Walker.

It's either vaccine or watch soccer.  You make the call!
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is confident in isolating this year's strain that is expected to bring staffing nightmares to businesses everywhere.  "We anticipate this vaccine strain, S20NE42, will be effective in preventing Super Bowl Fever in 97% of all vaccinated employees,"  said Don Stenner, a CDC virologist and Seahawks fan.

However, not all CDC experts agreed.  "My computer models suggested the S42NE12 strain was a more likely fit to prevent this years outbreak but I was in the minority on this one," said Jamie Flemming, a CDC virologist with family roots in New England.

After a rough flu season blamed on a failure to adequately predict this year's influenza strain, officials at the CDC were forced to admit they had diverted 80% of their resources away from influenza work last year to work with cities and hospitals on developing their new Sportolovirus vaccination program.

Vegas casinos were also taking notice of the CDC actions, betting most of them would lose their jobs before the end of the year after the Ebola fiasco.

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