Ebola Like Physician Signature Forces Hospital Into Quarantine

Sacramento, CA --  Just days after New York and New Jersey announced strict new quarantine procedures for healthcare workers returning from West Africa, California Governor Jerry Brown upped the ante by signing legislation that requires all healthcare professionals to report anything that looks, sounds, acts, feels, tastes or smells like Ebola.

Hours later, the sixth floor surgical ward at Bayside Hospital was quarantined by The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention after a veteran nurse reported seeing an unidentified physician signature that looked strikingly similar to Ebola.

"As soon as I saw that signature, I started singing that Ebola song,"  said Carly Sandoz,  the goto nurse for deciphering physician signatures on the sixth floor.   Carly contacted the CDC after her concerns were brushed off by hospital officials. "They told me just to add an extra loop on the signature so it longer resembled Ebola."

CDC officials believe they have narrowed down the signature to a new surgeon who is writing all his notes in pink this month to show support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month instead of donating money.
Ebola Virus Signature Found On Patient Chart

Promising a full investigation,  CDC hired local handwriting experts to determine if the Ebola like signature poses any threat to public safety.  "At this time, we don't think Ebola can be spread through signatures, but I can't say we've really ever checked," said Dr. Thomas Frieden, Director of the CDC.

As a result of Proposition 72, California's new Ebola Law, The CDC is preparing for an onslaught of calls for help from healthcare providers.  In less than 24 hours since the legislation was signed into law, state healthcare practitioners have reported over 3,000 Ebola sightings, including a hairball in the sink at a local nursing home, a gallbladder removed at an outpatient surgical center and a bezoar removed during an urgent upper endoscopy in the ER.


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