ER Ebola Quarantine Screening Tool: A CDC Guide for Healthcare Workers

Atlanta, GA --  Just one day after the viral release of Who To Blame When You Get Ebola, the CDC has released a follow up ER Ebola screening tool to help emergency departments determine which patients need to be quarantined immediately.  Fear continues to grip the country after two nurses at a Dallas, Texas hospital contracted Ebola virus in the course of their normal workday activities.

"We know, without a doubt, this  all inclusive and fail proof ER Ebola screening tool will help healthcare workers know when to immediately initiate quarantine protocols.  There's no way anyone will be missed if this protocol is not broken,"  said Tom Frieden, Director of the CDC, being careful to avoid use of the word 'breached'.

The CDC has been under constant attack after blaming a breach in protocol as the cause of Ebola  transmission at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital.  The White House has since responded by  organizing Ebola SWAT teams ready to travel anywhere in the country and hunt down healthcare workers who call in sick after Ebola strikes their hospital.    The White has even appointed a lawyer, Ron Klain, as this nation's  Ebola Czar to help triage lawsuits against community hospitals for failing to keep their yellow gown supply closet fully stocked during an outbreak of Ebola.

Not everyone is convinced the quarantine tool goes far enough.  "They should have just quarantined the whole country of Texas," said Rusty Bender, a college graduate living with his mother despite a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree.



In response to public criticism, the CDC has updated their Ebola ER quarantine tool to yield a greater net of protection.

"Retrospectively, we realized our original protocol failed to account for the possibility of some folks traveling out of Dallas to other communities, which we just didn't think of at the time," said Tom Frieden, in a hastily called news conference while wearing full barrier protection at his home.

The CDC is asking healthcare professionals to ask ER patients if they have come in contact with Ebola in the last 3 weeks.  The CDC understands most patients will have no idea and have accounted for this possibility in their updated guidelines.

"We want to be as thorough as possible and not have people who may have Ebola infecting our planes, trains and automobiles." said Mr. Frieden.

The CDC offered little guidance regarding the risk of coming into contact with Ebola, except to say anyone who witnesses a healthcare worker wearing scrubs at a grocery store should keep a large perimeter distance and to yell 'EBOLA", then call 911 if they see them coughing or sneezing.

 Updated ER Ebola Quarantine Screening Tool from the CDC (algorithm)

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