"My Doctor Is Sexy." I Am That Good Looking Doctor, Apparently.

In an effort to improve patient safety in the hospital the  Joint Commission is in the beginning stages of proposing a complete  ban of sexy doctors and hot nurses from being allowed to take care of patients in the hospital.  It's a patient safety issue first and foremost. Their main concern is that patients who find their doctors and nurses good looking may spend too much time thinking about how sexy they are and not have their own interests at heart.  They may listen blindly to the recommendations of their medical team without contemplating the risks and benefits of options presented for their care.  Some studies even suggest that bringing sexy back to the hosptial can be hazardous to one's health. 

I can understand the JC's concern.  When I hear some patients say, "My doctor is sexy", I am apparently that doctor.  In fact, in no less than five incidents in the last month I have had five widowed elderly women (at least 80 years old) tell me that I was a good looking young doctor. There is just something about being a little old lady that brings out the animal spirits.  Or perhaps it is the frontal lobe dementia expressing itself in a state of excited delirium.  Nonetheless, I like to think it's because Happy has a way with older women. 

Unfortunately three of them proceeded to have heart attacks when they found out I was already married, two of them ended up in the ICU on a balloon pump and one of them died after aggressive CPR before I had a chance to introduce the palliative care philosophy to treat their broken heart syndrome. The good thing is they died Happy because AIDET in the ICU is amazing.  Unfortunately, their patient satisfaction scores didn't count because when we called their house after their celestial discharge, nobody answered the phone. 

What does ObamaCare mean to sexy doctors and nurses?  If the unelected experts have any say, I suspect they are going to ban payment for services provided by hot doctors and nurses as a way of fighting back against all that sexy Medicare fraud. 

On another issue,   I have previously reviewed the physician responsibility when patient leave agains medical advice.    To summarize, patients who come into the hospital voluntarily are free to leave voluntarily, assuming they have the capacity to make their own medical decisions.  Physicians should discharge patients leaving AMA just like they do all their patients and provide appropriate prescriptions, follow up testing and appointments as necessary.  Physicians should attempt to understand why the patient wishes to leave against medical advice.  The reasons can be surprising at times.    Quite commonly, patients wish to leave because of their addictions to drugs, prescription or otherwise,  tobacco and alcohol.  

Every now and then, however, an unusual reason presents itself.  I had completely forgotten, but was recently reminded of a patient years ago that wished to leave against medical advice after I informed her that she needed a colonoscopy.  After I left the room, the patient frantically told her nurse that she could not allow me to perform the procedure because I was "way to sexy" to look at her naked. After the nurse informed her that I would not be the physician performing the procedure, she was nonetheless horrified and indicated she had to leave the hospital immediately.

As a sexy doctor in the eyes of this lady, I have to admit, I'd never thought my looks would hinder patient care.  However, in light of this experience, I wouldn't be surprised one bit if  The Joint Commission banned good looks and prevented doctors and nurses from bringing sexy back to the hospital in the name of patient safety.

Facebook humor:
I made a demented old nursing home lady smile the other day and tell me I was good looking .  Why do all my satisfied customers have to live in nursing homes? They don't get satisfaction surveys. I doth protest...
This post is for entertainment purposes only and likely contains humor only understood by those in a healthcare profession. Read at your own risk. 


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