Narcotic (Opiate) Administration Policies In The ER Reviewed.

Much has been written of late about the epidemic of opiate dependency, abuse and overdoses in the lay news media.  Many groups are pushing for doctors to meet additional certification requirements for the right to prescribe these potentially dangerous medications.  A $700 DEA license, renewed every three years,  is apparently not enough these days.  So what's an ER doctor to do?  Should they keep patients happy?  Should they keep patient's pain free?  Should they order Dilaudid, Fentanyl, morphine, hydrcodone, Percocet, Oxycodone, Oxycontin and other associated highly controlled substances with reckless abandonment?  Are there appropriate opiate administration policies readily available for ER doctors to do the right thing?  Yes, there are.  It doesn't involve taking additional unfunded classes to satisfy government agencies.  It doesn't involve filling out pain scales and satisfaction surveys.  No folks, it involved a little Facebook and personal attitude to get by a day in the life of an ER doctor.  I found the best examples yet of how ER doctors should respond to requests for opiates in the ER.  In addition, make sure to check my whole collection of original crude medical ecard humor.

"One does not simply order Dilaudid to go in the ER"

One does not simply order Dilaudid to go in the ER meme humor


"Tylaudid®:  For those days when Dilaudid just isn't enough. "

Tylaudid:  For those days when Dilaudid just isn't enough doctor ecard meme humor photo 1d712b8f-2f42-4043-ba63-58f7e78b9447_zps6f0d87c5.jpg


"Dear ER patient, if you ask for pain medication that starts with d, di or doo, we're going to give you Tylenol, right after we're done updating our Facebook status."

Pain medication that starts with d, di or doo, you'll get Tylenol doctor ecard humor photo


"At MY hospital we offer great pain control.  And by that I mean your great pain is under my control."

At MY hospital we offer great pain control.  And by that I mean your great pain is under my control nurse ecard humor photo.


"Oh, you lost your Dilaudi prescription?  Let me get you the address of the nearest Walmart where you can pick up a bottle of ibuprofin to get you bye bye until the next month."

Lost-Dilaudid-Prescription-Ecard-Humor


"There is an ER in the middle of every pERcocet addiction."

ER-in-the-middle-of-every-pERcocet-Addiction-ecard-humor


"If Dilaudid was a hamburger:  Dilaudid is 7-10 times more potent than Morphine!"

If Dilaudid was a burger morphine comparison photo Ifdilaudidwasaburgerpicture_zps1408a5bd.jpg


"The nurse says your sever pain only responds to Dilaudid.  Unfortunately, it's contraindicated with your Status Myassitis."

Only-Responds-To-Dilaudid-Status-Myassitis-Ecard-Humor


"Instead of asking for a Medicaid ambulance voucher to leave the ER with your Percocet, why don't you try pawning one of your 20 gold necklaces first."

Instead of asking for a Medicaid ambulance voucher to leave the ER with your Percocet, why don't you try pawning one of your 20 gold necklaces first ecard humor photo.


"My headache only responds to Tylenol. --- said no ER patient ever."

My headache only responds to Tylenol said no ER patient ever ecard humor photo. Medical Humor Store Banner


Patient: are you going to write me a prescription for pain medication for my back Pain?
Happy: Tylenol is over the counter.
Patient:  I need something stronger than that.
Happy: Take two of them.



"Pain is mind over matter.  And your pain, in my mind, does not matter."

Pain is mind over matter.  And your pain, in my mind, does not matter doctor ecard humor photo.


"Emergency Department Narcotic Guidelines"

ER-Narcotic-Administration-Guidelines-Example photo ERNarcoticGuidelinesExample_zpsc4006992.jpg


"I'm sorry sir, but we do not dispense medical Dilaudijuana in our ER."

Dilaudijuana-ER-Pain-Ecard-Humor Medical Humor Store Banner


"Would you like sugar with your tea and unnecessary morphine?  Don't deny.  Satisfy.  Your job depends on it."

Would you like sugar with your tea and unnecessary morphine?  Don't deny.  Satisfy.  Your job depends on it medical ecard humor photo.


"I can't believe how excited I am to manage drug seekers again after my long break off. --- said no doctor or nurse ever."

I can't believe how excited I am to manage drug seekers again after my long break off said no doctor or nurse ever ecard humor photo.


"Sir, if my ER doctor says no, they mean NO... ... more than a script for 120 Percocet."

ER-Doctor-Says-No-Pain-Ecard-Humor


"Be nice to your ER nurse.  We can triage you to Dr Hopiate... ... or Dr Nopiate."

Dr-Hopiate-And-Nopiate-ER-Pain-Ecard-Humor


"You have pain that only responds to that one drug that starts with a D?  Da Motrin it is.  You know.  For da pain."

Da Motrin for da pain ecard humor photo Medical Humor Store Banner


"I got 5 patients asking for Dilaudid.  Ain't nobody got time fo dat."

Dilaudid ain't nobody got time for that nurse ecard humor photo


"As soon as you're done updating your Facebook status, can I inconvenience you with a shot of saline for your 12/10 migraine pain?"


Updating Facebook status using saline for bad migraine pain nurse ecard humor photo


"No shirt.  No shoes.  No Dilaudid."

No shirt.  No shoes.  No Dilaudid ER ecard humor photo


"We're making a list.  Checking it twice.  Gonna find out who's coming to my ER every week asking for that drug that starts with a D."  See the rest of the funny crude Christmas medical ecard humor.

We're making a list.  Checking it twice.  Gonna find out who's coming to my ER every week asking for that drug that starts with a D nurse ecard humor photo. Medical Humor Store Banner


"Jane Fonda, RN.  No pain, no Dilaudid."  See the complete funny collection of popular quotes by famous people had they been a doctor or nurse instead!

Jane Fonda, RN.  No pain, no Dilaudid nurse ecard humor photo.

 
"Nursing is all about give and take.  You give me a hard time and I'll take it you don't really need that dose of Dilaudid."  Make sure to checkout  the complete collection of give and take humor!

Nursing is all about give and take.  You give me a hard time and I'll take it you don't really need that dose of Dilaudid nurse ecard humor photo. Medical Humor Store Banner



"Doctoring is all about give and take.  I give you ibuprofen instead of Dilaudid and you take your ass to another ER."

Doctoring is all about give and take.  I give you ibuprofen instead of Dilaudid and you take your ass to another ER humor ecard photo.


"Doctoring is all about give and take.  You give me some lame excuse about how you lost your Percocet prescription and I tell you to take a hike."

 Doctoring is all about give and take.  You give me some lame excuse about how you lost your Percocet prescription and I tell you to take a hike doctor ecard humor photo.


This post is for entertainment purposes only and likely contains humor only understood by those in a healthcare profession. Read at your own risk.



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