(HNN) CNBC allegations about testosterone doping on Wall Street are true. With all eyes focused on Olympics 2012, Wall Street traders and executives have quietly positioned themselves as the second largest users of performance enhancing drugs in this country. However, unlike athletes who use drugs to get their edge, the whales on Wall Street are using testosterone (to treat Low T as it's called) to go off the deep end with reckless abandonment. And it's all legal.
As one Wall Street executive, who wished to remain anonymous, eluded to in this exclusive Happy Hospitalist interview, "It's hard to make it on Wall Street. I never knew it would be this hard. There are lots of stiff winds on the horizon and lots of uncertainties. If I want to get ahead in this business and keep my life from being flushed down the toilet, I have to play harder and faster than the pricks waiting for me to limp into retirement. Testosterone has given me that extra ability to pump out a few extra hours of work every day. If a few other colleagues get screwed because of me, so be it. I'm here to finish strong."
The Trump Tower testosterone clinic, first reported by CNBC, has seen their business explode with Wall Street men (and women) looking for that extra edge in an environment filled with unlimited potential. In fact, the CEO of the Wall Street testosterone clinic, himself a cardiologist, recalls the thousands of patients he treated for low T during his tenure as a heart specialist.
"Most people think, as a cardiologist, that I am not qualified to manage Low T syndrome. I say, screw them. I saw tens of thousands of patients over my cardiac career with low troponins I was an expert in the management of low t. The $1,000 cash-money price tag for my services is a puny price to pay for achieving big success in this Wall Street market."
Immediately after CNBC reported their findings, President Obama declared mandatory testosterone testing for all VA hospital employees. Say's Obama, "I have no doubt in my mind that VA doctors and nurses have been stricken with Low T syndrome. While tens of thousands of suffering veterans return from war ravaged Afghanistan, our VA doctors and nurses sit silently, on their asses, all day long, in a state of indifference few outsiders can appreciate."