Hospital Documentation of Alcohol Use Explained.

Patients will often lie about the amount of alcohol they consume.  Every so often I'll get a patient in the hospital with an AST of 160 an INR of 1.5, a platelet count of 77K and an MCV of 103 who only admits to drinking 2 beers a day.    Please son, I've been around the hospital bushes for a few years.  The caput medusae, palmar erythema and spider telangiectasia suggest those two beers probably come in gallon jugs.  You don't have to lie to your physician.  We know you drink a lot.

For your own safety, if your physician does not know how much alcohol you consume on a daily basis, you risk major complications of alcohol withdrawal in the hospital.  As a result, medical school has trained us how to handle a patient's self description of their alcohol use and how to document appropriately as part of the permanent patient record. What ever you tell us, we are going to double it.  Heck sometimes we'll even triple your amount.  Trust me.  It's for your own safety.  And safety is what hospitalist medicine is all about, as  explained in this alcohol ecard.

"Medical School Pearl:  Doctors shall always assume patients drink double what they admit to."

Doctors shall always assume patients drink double what they admit to doctor ecard humor photo

This post is for entertainment purposes only and likely contains humor only understood by those in a healthcare profession. Read at your own risk. 

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