Sex Positions After Knee and Hip Joint Replacement Surgery?

Some I'm at my grandma's house yesterday and she throws a book at me she got in a hospital packet seven years ago after her total knee replacement surgery. I snapped a picture of the cover shown below.  It's a how to book on the safer techniques for sex positions  after knee and hip joint replacement surgery.  I had an ACL repair almost 20 years ago and never got anything like this.  

I'm not kidding.  This book was like the Kama Sutra for nursing homes.  It was chalked full of YES/NO  diagrams of elderly couples in love going at it to show the correct and incorrect sexual positions after orthopedic surgeries.  And yes, the diagrams come complete with the artist's renditions of the artificial joints.

This book is great.  It has tips for total hip replacement and total knee replacement.   Men and women alike get instructional how to tips for safely assuming sex positions in the post surgical recovery period.  They have instructions for being on top, on bottom, on the side and yes,  even having sex while sitting in a chair.  A chair?

I just have to wonder who's idea it was to hand these books out.   Was it a  CMS mandate for patient satisfaction now that hospitals are going to get paid based on Medicare patient satisfaction scores?  Are hospitals ramping up  education for all doctors and nurses to stiffen their safety margin on sexual satisfaction scores?   Have doctors and nurses been too impotent to the needs of their patients for too many years?  I don't think so.  I have a gut feeling the Joint Commission is behind all this.    Come on.  I don't care who you are.  That was funny, as this original Happy Hospitalist medical ecard helps explain:

"Hospitals shall now provide education on safe sex positions after surgery for all total hip replacement patients. --- The Joint Commission."

Hospitals shall now provide education on safe sex positions after surgery for all total hip replacement patients.  The Joint Commission ecard humor photo.


Get your copy of Sex After Total Joint Replacement   It's well worth $3 just to set it on your coffee table or in your bathroom for guests to wonder what the heck is going on in your home.


This post is for entertainment purposes only and likely contains humor only understood by those in a healthcare profession. Read at your own risk.

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