Mrs Happy and I went Zachary shopping today at a local consignment event. It was one of those deals where folks try and sell all their gently used baby stuff and the organizer of the event takes a cut. This place was packed full of everything a new family could ever need, except food stamps. It even had books about nursery rhymes. We had been looking for a nursery rhyme book for quite some time. Nobody seems to sell them anymore. Then we came upon a big giant hardback book titled Read to me Grandma
for three bucks. Not bad. It contained nearly two hundred pages of timeless classics such as Little Jack Horner, Pop Goes the Weasel and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. After flipping through the pages for a few minutes, one nursery rhyme gave me a double take. I looked again. And I saw it again. I thought to myself, what kind of nursery rhyme book is this? It was the the mother of all nursery rhymes that put all other nursery rhymes to shame.
for three bucks. Not bad. It contained nearly two hundred pages of timeless classics such as Little Jack Horner, Pop Goes the Weasel and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. After flipping through the pages for a few minutes, one nursery rhyme gave me a double take. I looked again. And I saw it again. I thought to myself, what kind of nursery rhyme book is this? It was the the mother of all nursery rhymes that put all other nursery rhymes to shame.
The first thing I thought of was Andrew Dice Clay's interpretation of Little Boy Blue.
He needed the money.
But this nursery rhyme. Man oh man. If only the Dice Man had gotten ahold of this one. I would say, It might even be the best nursery rhyme ever, although probably a tad bit uncomfortable for a grandmother to be reading to her grandson. What is this best nursery rhyme ever? I present to you page 66 of this nursery rhyme book:
I Love Little Pussy.
I can't figure out why I've never read the story about Little Pussy and I can't recall my grandmother ever sitting me down for a goodnight story with me about Little Pussy. How does this nursery rhyme go? From page 66 ofRead to me Grandma
I love little pussy,
her coat is so warm,
And if I don't hurt her
she'll do me no harm.
So I'll not pull her tail,
nor drive her away,
but Pussy and I very
gently will play.
Wikipedia says there are additional lines that aren't contained in this book.
I'll sit by the fire,
and give her some food
And Pussy will love me
because I am good.
Somebody pinch me and tell me I'm not dreaming. This has to be the best and funniest nursery rhyme ever made, on so many levels. Or, it might even be the biggest nursery rhyme FAIL ever. So, for all of you grandmothers out there, remember to read to your grandson often. I know you're looking for those special times with Grandma. But please, what ever you do, try and stay away from page 66. As his father, I'm not sure I want Grandma talking with Zachary about Little Pussy. That is, of course, a job best left for the public school system.
