Lost Garbage Can Owners Welcome the Can Recovery Action Plan (CRAP) Tax of 2011

Mrs Happy and I experienced one heck of a storm the other night.  The winds were enough to take large garbage cans and blow them blocks down the road, turning them into lost garbage cans.  Without a federal system in place to track lost garbage cans, we were left with a loosely regulated system of home owners attempting to hunt down these lost garbage can's rightful owners.  For example, on one recent trip down my devastated neighborhood, I  saw these two lost garbage can souls looking for their home.

Lost garbage cans may not seem like a big deal to you, but they are to the people who lost them.   And knowing that you are at the mercy of whom ever finds your can is certain to create a high level of anxiety, especially if your neighbors decide to kick the can down the road.   Having  a disorganized, unregulated lost garbage can lost and found system is unacceptable in today's technologically advanced society where our government can fix everything, no matter how big or how small the problem. 

That's why I am formally requesting a federal government intervention in this wild wild west of garbage can recovery operations.    It's a world where anything goes.   We need mandates from above to demand accountability and we need systems processes in place to stream line the lost garbage can recovery process and make the recovery process equal for all.

No longer will neighborhoods have to put up with individuals taking responsibility into their own hands and finding these lost garbage can's rightful owners themselves.  No sir.    As a matter of compassion, lost garbage can recovery operations shall now be deemed a responsibility of the federal government.  

We can all rest well tonight.  I have formalized my final proposal.  It's called  the Can Recovery Action Plan of 2011.  This CRAP will come with it's own CRAP tax and another 100,000 CRAPpy administrative jobs.  But don't worry.  If you are in the bottom 50% of wage earners in this country, you won't have to pay a dime to pay for this CRAP.   We're gonna tax the CRAP out of the rich.