Hospitalist Efficiency Idea That Will Change Hospital Care Forever (Picture).

I talked previously about rounding with my iPad and how I felt doing so allowed me less time searching for information and more time discussing the plan with the patient.  With the wireless iPad touch screen technology promising to revolutionize the way we deliver health care, I figured now was the time for me to introduce my plans to take hospitalist efficiency to the next level.  That's right folks, I consider myself a hospitalist efficiency expert.  And I'm here to help guide you into the future of hospitalist care.    What better way to increase hospitalist efficiency than with a Segway for every hospitalist in this country.  The hospitalist opportunities here are huge. As hospitalists, we'll be able to boost the number of patients we see on our daily rounds by reducing the travel time between patients.  That's an under appreciated limitation to hospitalist efficiency.

All the hospitalist benchmarks you read about will go out the window.  I figure between the iPad and my Segway I'll be able to double or triple the number of patients I see when I punch in and out of my day shift. The Segway will even save me time and energy heading to the ER on my night shift, allowing me more time to sleep between admissions.   I am certain that hospitalist salary surveys don't currently  reflect the large increase in hospitalist efficiency we could accomplish with a little common sense, an iPad and a Segway on the go.  

My efforts to improve hospitalist efficiency certainly don't come without an expensive price tag.  Between the $6,000 pupillometer and the $6,000 straight out of Star Trek technology for nurses trying to find a difficult vein, I'm not sure there is any money left to provide a Segway and iPad for every hospitalist.  However, Happy is two steps ahead of you.  Hospitalist efficiency is also about controlling costs.  What better way to pay for this technology than to turn it into a mobile, on the go convenience store.  I envision my Segway stocked full of cigarettes, pop, beer,  chips, candy and gum. Disney won't sell you gum, but I will.     That's what my patients and their families want and with Medicare now paying hospitals based on patient satisfaction surveys, what better way to make patients happy with their hospital care than to keep them well supplied with junk food.     This is how you take hospital amenities to the next level.    As a bonus,  I might even get Pfizer to pluck down a few grand for some side panel Viagra motivational advertising. Perhaps with a slogan for patients to remember:

You're doing great.  Keep it up.  

Now that I think about it,  why limit the iPad-Segway combo to just hospitalists?  Perhaps, I could even lease a few Segways to the respiratory therapist crew complete with its own flavored oxygen bar.  How would all this improve my hospitalist efficiency?  While in the patient's room, I could even use my iPad as a cash register.  As soon as I'm done documenting my high level hospital followup code on my iPad attached to my Segway I toggle to cash register mode and supplement my income with a little cigarette money.  Thanks Altria.   Heck, I might even offer a one week supply of  free Chantix along with the cigarettes so I can apply for nonprofit 501c status.  If my mobile, hospital based, on the go convenience store makes enough money, I may offer a franchise opportunity for other hospitalists. The opportunities are endless.