Football Pacifier NUK (Picture): Zacher the Linebacker Preparing For Sports.

Here he is. Zacher the linebacker. We figured if he's going to play football we had to start training him now while he's still willing to listen to our suggestions. Zachary is a boy. We are not going to raise him like that lady not telling friends or family the sex of their child, and naming it Storm. And because he's a boy, we're going to stuff him full of football pacifiers.

You can see, in this case, he's wearing his baby shower NUK football pacifier gift while praying he makes the football team.   You can find a whole assortment of NUK pacifiers from their Amazon store.

Thank you God for giving me the strength to play linebacker.

After a short stint in the corporate world with his onesie tie business attire, we decide to guide him back to what he loves best: Talking sports while eating and hanging out with his Brest Friend. And what better way than to indulge his desires for physical activity than to give him a taste of the leather with his very own football pacifier.  We promised, however, not to tell his friends about treating his blocked tears ducts with breast milk.  That's just too embarrassing for the little fella.  If his hands turn out to be as big as his newborn baby feet ink feet pictures, he's going to make one heck of a linebacker.

We had our one month postpartum check up with the midwives the other day.  They thought the football pacifier was great.  With Medicaid going bankrupt, I told them they should expand their business model and start selling football pacifiers and other irresistible merchandise for mothers coming in after their delivery or for soon to be mothers looking to have the cutest baby in the world.  

We all know new mothers would spend hundreds of dollars on cute stuff for their baby, Medicaid or not.  I learned first hand what patients were and weren't willing to pay for with my hospitalist efficiency idea.  

With such a captive audience, selling football pacifiers to new mothers would almost be like stealing candy from a baby.