Pelosium (P311):
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest and most dangerous element yet known to science. The new element has been named Pelosium. Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
The symbol of Pelosium is PU. Pelosium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientist to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates CNNadnausium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons as Pelosium.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Most Dangerous Element On Earth Discovered: Pelosium (P311)
Free Samples By Mail: When You're A Doctor, Things Are Different
Become Facebook Friends Today with The Happy Hospitalist Blog
I've joined Facebook. In case you have nothing better to do and want to be my Facebook Fan, join my Happy Hospitalist Facebook fan page today. What are you waiting for. Join already.
You can also follow me on Twitter, in case you're in to that too.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Dog Squatting Video Takes Pet Exercise To the Next level
Needle Stick Anxiety
I couldn't remember sticking my self with a needle during the procedure but I also couldn't remember why I would otherwise have a cut on the back side of my finder when I took my gloves off. I remember thinking to myself that this was a highly unusual site for a needle stick injury. The anxiety of not knowing the patient's status can be quite anxiety provoking.
Air Conditioning Blowing On Schnauzer Video
I took this video of cousin Archie after a hot walk at the park with Marty and Cooper. As you can tell, he really enjoys air conditioning.
Parkinson's Cruise Cartoon (A Happy Hospitalist Original)
Sunday, August 29, 2010
My Wife Knows Everything, The Wife Doesn't Know Hilarious Horse Race
What Grandmothers Think of Grand Rounds
Hilarious stuff at last week's Grand Rounds that you don't want to miss.
Veterinarian vs MD Xtranormal Medical Video
Find other great Xtranormal Medical Videos. Some are Happy originals. Some aren't. I think they're all funny.
Cheese Block Cutting Etiquette: How Do You Cut The Cheese?
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Hospitalist Night Call Dangers
- You do not leave your unattended toothbrush in the call room bathroom for weeks at a time.
- Let the head of your toothbrush touch anything other than your mouth, especially not the counter top of the sink where others roam.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Telemetry Cardiac Monitoring Support Unit Picture: Organized Chaos
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Surgeon Joke of the Day
A good ER friend of mine told me a couple of good general surgeon jokes.
What's the difference between God and a general surgeon?
God doesn't think he's a general surgeon.
The second best surgeon joke of the day goes to this one:
What do general surgeons use for birth control?
Their personalities!
What's your favorite surgeon joke?
Fat, Overweight and Obese Doctors: Battling Gravity at Patient's Expense.
I visited a family member at the hospital recently and she did not have her internal medicine doctor. I am not sure if he was a hospitalist or not. Anyway this man was very nice but he was only in his early thirties max and he was so morbidly obese that he started to perspire as he walked the five feet from the door to the bed, no joke. He started to talk about my family member's condition but all I could be aware of was his huffing and puffing and taking a breath about every 4 words or so. I almost asked him if he would like my chair so he could rest.What do you say about/to colleagues who are in this shape? Should a patient even listen to a doctor who does this? You always talk about how people who are fat should be in their own risk pool for insurance but what about fat doctors who make everything that comes out of their mouth about lifestyle complete BS? I'm sure you've run into these guys (and gals) at conferences. Do you confront them?
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Blogging Tax ($300) in Philly? Who Votes These Crazies In?
At least when one pays a permit for a construction project someone from the city is being paid to come out to your home to make sure it passes code.
Miniature Schnauzer Crying Video
There is something very wrong about the crying bark of this miniature schnauzer. This is cousin Archie. He's lived a tough life. First fleas. Now ringworm. Please wish him luck as he pushes through these terrible times. We love you Archie. You're a good boy.
Colbert Report Video Talks Social Media: Control Self Delete Your Future Today
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
When Doctors and Nurses Don't Get Along
What do you do when doctors and nurses don't get along? A reader asks for my advice
Hi Happy,
I have this problem, I wanted some advice from someone with more experience dealing with this.....
I have been bashed by nurses, because, they expect me to know all the bureaucratic issues, when you don't have more than a month in the hospital. I have noticed that nurses get mad, when you give them an instruction they don't understand, or they aren't used to, not because you are wrong, but instead, their lack of ignorance, or their narrow process of thought. One example of this is when they laugh at me cause i prescribed a generic medication of a common drug, that they weren't familiar with the generic name.
Days ago, a first year family doctor was yelled badly by some nurse, because she filled in the prescription chart where she shouldn't, the first year didn't know because no one told her. I have seen that attitude several times from different nurses, they yell at them in a very unproper manner.
They even try to make unreasonable suggestions, when they haven't talked with patients, maybe because some other doctor did something similar, in a "similar" patient. they always be there, when no one asked for their opinion. They have very well defined where their tasks end, but not when they have to keep from making opinions they aren't supposed to do.
I have come to the conclusion that nurses receive more respect from doctors (at least from me), than they actually give (me), specially to young doctors, even doctors share more respect themselves, that nurses for medical profession.
I don't want to make generalizations, not all of them are like this. but I assume there is some sort of tendency. because same things repeats over and over.
I'm not a nurse hater, I get along well with nurses, I'm very grateful for all the help they can provide, I have to thank many times the nurses for the advice, in changes of the patient status, but I feel I get more respect from my medical staff than nurses. Is this similar at your hospital?
What do I have to do in order to stop some nurses from being an ass? Sometimes I feel if I confront them it can get worse. My attitude is to avoid confrontation, I just keep silent.
In fact, one resident physician often referred to the VA nurses as grey back gorillas. The longer the VA nurse worked, the larger they got and the more powerful they became. As the hair on their back turned grey, they became the grey back gorrilla leaders of their clan. They were in charge of molding all the young VA gorilla nurses into future grey backs. These were the obstructive nurses who did everything they could to make the doctor's life difficult while compromising patient care.
Hospitalist vs Oncologist Xtranormal Medical Video Production
You can also catch up on these other fine Xtranormal medical videos. Some are Happy originals, some aren't.
Monday, August 23, 2010
E&M Medical Coding iPhone App Review: Make Your Money Back In A Day. Go To Hawaii In a Year.
Regarding your review of our app, we expect nothing more than your honest opinion. We believe in what we have made and would love yours and others input on how it works for you and if there are ways to improve it. Not sure if you have played around with the other billing apps out there but we believe ours is a major step forward in design, ease of use and content.
- Making it quick
- Making it easy and
- Making it focused
As you can see, they keep it simple. They give you options. If you know what you're doing and just need a little nudge, they'll help you decide the right code to submit. If you have no idea what you are doing, they'll do the work for you. You just plug in what you've done.
LINK TO E/M POCKET REFERENCE CARD POST
|
Successful software implementation starts with choosing the right system. This checklist contains over 50 of the most important features to look for when evaluating:
- electronic medical records
- medical billing software
- scheduling software
- technology, security and certifications
Other useful information is available at my EHR Resource Center. Sunday, August 22, 2010
Stacking Bricks On Your Head, All 22 Of Them (Incredible Video)
Should My Physician Hospitalist Be Available At All Times in the Hospital?
I've Googled to find an answer to my question but haven't found anything. I did find your blog and thought you might be able to provide one.
Are hospitals required to have at least one physician, on-site, 24 hours a day? I'm asking because my dad is currently in a 300-bed community hospital in Orlando that does not have a doctor on-site 24 hours a day. They have hospitalists that seem to come by once a day (I don't think they are hospital staff, they seem to be a private group of hospitalists that cover more than one hospital at a time), and they have doctors available by phone in the evenings and over the weekends.
Is this legal? A standard practice? If it is, it seems crazy. I feel that my dad is getting terrible medical care because it takes forever for a doctor to be contacted and then for that doctor to respond and take action when a complication happens. It also seems like the nurses are hesitant to call a doctor in the middle of the night unless it's a life-threatening emergency. My poor dad (who had surgery for a bowel obstruction) spent 12 hours violently vomiting bile overnight. No doctor was consulted. It was only when his heart rate became elevated was a doctor was called in and the vomiting addressed.
Thanks.
- Set up a defined conference at a reasonable time where all family members can meet once and discuss the plan of action with the physician or
- Establish one family member as the point of contact where all questions are funneled through that family member once a day.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Most Inconvenient Time To Get Paged or Called As a Physician.
I paged for a doc to call my cell phone and wouldn't you know they call back while I'm in the bathroom midstream. I found myself in a race with my iPhone to try and get er done before the call went to voice mail. I won. It's a good thing I don't have BPH. Perhaps that's why some of the docs never answer their cell phone when I call.
Friday, August 20, 2010
List of Allergies to Observation Ratio Test Is The Perfect Marker
List of Allergies : Observation Ratio.
-
worst headache of their lives crushing chest pain that feels like an elephant sitting on their chesttheir abdomen that hurts all over when you push on it
What Is the Most Important Organ In The Body?
Thursday, August 19, 2010
GAP Groupon August 19th, 2010 Deal of the Day $25 for $50 Worth of Merchandise
***************************
How To Save Money On Prescription Medications: 10 Steps To A Cheaper Life
Step one: Get admitted to the hospital for your total hip arthroplasty
Step two: Have the hospitalist review your list of medications and note you are on Crestor every other day for your hypercholesterolemia and Januvia for your diabetes.
Step three: Ask the patient why they are on every other day Crestor and have them respond, "because I don't need it every day."
Step four: Ask them why they are on Januvia and have them respond, "I don't know. The doctor says I need to be."
Step five: Have the hospitalist ask you how much you are spending out of pocket every month on these two medications.
Step six: Tell the hospitalist you are spending $180 a month on the Januvia and $120 a month for the Crestor.
Step seven: Get lucky enough to have a hospitalist who understands the value of communication. Have the hospitalist stop what they are doing and call the primary care physician to figure out why the patient is spending $300 a month on medications when she could be spending $8.
Step eight: Have a hospitalist hold on the line for five minutes while the primary care doctor's office pulls the patient's chart because no patient is known well enough to answer such detailed questions
Step nine: Have the hospitalist discuss the case with the primary care physician. Learn that the patient's creatinine, currently 0.6, was 1.9 a year ago which resulted in using Januvia for $180 a month at the expense of metformin for $4 a month. Discover that the patient creatitine has been less than 1.5 for over six months with a gradual improvement. Have the doctor explain that the physician assistance who did the preoperative evaluation failed to make a recommended change to a cheaper medication now that the creatinine has imiproved. Learn that there is no explainable reason why the Crestor is being dosed every other day or at least not that can be deciphered from the chart.
Step 10: Have the hospitalist discontinue the Januvia and Crestor and write a script for metformin 500mg bid and pravastatin 40 mg at bedtime. Tell the patient they will now be saving $300 a month and they owe the hospitalist a trip to the Caribbean where her new hip can have the first dance with the hospitalist who saved her enough money to get every channel of HBO, Showtime and Cinemax in high definition till the day she dies.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Hospitalist vs Cardiologist Xtranormal Medical Video Production
Catch up on these other fine Xtranormal Medical Videos. Some are Happy originals and some aren't.
My Ten Year Medical School Reunion
- When I was in medical school, lots of medical students, on occasion, would drink heavily. I learned ten years later some doctors, on occasion still
drink heavilyget drunk.
- When I was in medical school, lots of medical students used to smoke cigarettes. I learned ten years later some doctors, on occasion, still smoke (but only when they're drinking). Apparently.
- When I was in medical school, some students were really funny. I learned ten years later some doctors, on occasion, are still really funny, even when they aren't drunk.
- When I was in medical school, some students were really smart. I learned ten years later, some doctors, on occasion, are still really smart. Most of us other ones have been dumbed down with years of practice.
Internist Porn: Obscene By Any Measurable Standard
Indications For Dialysis? Just Remember A-E-I-O-U Says The Medical Student
A-Acid/Base
E-Electrolyte
I-Intoxication
O-Overload of volume
U-Uremia
N-NeoplasmA-AllergyA-AutoimmuneC-Connective tissue disorderP-Parasite
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Hospital Amenities: Lap Top Computers While You Chemo.
- Flat screen television service
- Pet therapy dog service
- Dialysis spa
- Designer ostomy covers
- Wine vending machines
- Free soda machines
- Gourmet cookies
LED Pen Light Picture: Wow! These Things are Bright!
Happy: That thing hurts the eyes.
Student: Yeah, but it's great for the back of the throat.
A Day In the Life at The Office
Check out what other folks are doing in their daily life at the office on this weeks Grand Rounds. The cartoon at the top of this week's presentation is hilarious.
Monday, August 16, 2010
ProAmatine (Midodrine) May Be Pulled From the Market Due To Failure Of Proven Efficacy
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration today proposed to withdraw approval of the drug midodrine hydrochloride, used to treat the low blood pressure condition orthostatic hypotension, because required post-approval studies that verify the clinical benefit of the drug have not been done.
Patients who currently take this medication should not stop taking it and should consult their health care professional about other treatment options.
The drug, marketed as ProAmatine by Shire Development Inc. and as a generic by others, was approved in 1996 under the FDA’s accelerated approval regulations for drugs that treat serious or life-threatening diseases. That approval required that the manufacturer verify clinical benefit to patients through post-approval studies.
To date, neither the original manufacturer nor any generic manufacturer has demonstrated the drug’s clinical benefit, for example, by showing that use of the drug improved a patient’s ability to perform life activities.
A Day In The Life Of A Medical Student
Man, this is hard.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Hospitalist vs ER Xtranormal Medical Video Production
Find other hilarious Xtranormal Medical Videos. Some are Happy originals. Some aren't. I think they're all funny.
Successful software implementation starts with choosing the right system. This checklist contains over 50 of the most important features to look for when evaluating:
- electronic medical records
- medical billing software
- scheduling software
- technology, security and certifications
Other useful information is available at my EHR Resource Center. Saturday, August 14, 2010
God's Algorithm Proves God's Number Is 20 Moves Or Less To Solve The Rubik's Cube
How did we solve all 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 positions of the Cube?
- We partitioned the positions into 2,217,093,120 sets of 19,508,428,800 positions each.
- We reduced the count of sets we needed to solve to 55,882,296 using symmetry and set covering.
- We did not find optimal solutions to each position, but instead only solutions of length 20 or less.
- We wrote a program that solved a single set in about 20 seconds.
- We used about 35 CPU years to find solutions to all of the positions in each of the 55,882,296 sets.
- There are 484,564,693,672,018,105,047,105,232 possible permutations of illness in the differential diagnosis of a hospital admission.
- There are 873,689,193,109,586,957,372,678,102 possible permutations of the Evaluation and Management rules required to accurately code every one of those possible permutations without being accused of fraud by the Medicare National Bank.
- Even Google was unable to assign any accurate level of coding to the correct permutation of illness.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Sign and Line Grocery Cart Study Doubled Fruit And Vegetable Sales
Instead of forcing Americans to buy insurance to cover diseases they should prevent, maybe we should have a national Carts for Cash program where we go on a national campaign to convert all grocery carts to sign and line carts using federal stimulus funds.
Friday The 13th Hospital Admissions
Today is Friday the 13th. Do whatever you want today, just don't get admitted to the hospital. I can't be held responsible for your bad outcome. It is Friday the 13th after all.
Silver Teeth Grillz Paid For By the Medicaid National Bank
Pea In Lung Video. Phew, Not Cancer, Just Garden Vegetables and Bad Emphysema
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Hospital Smoking Ban Policy Enforcment And The Doctors, Nurses, Family and Patients That Can't Wait To Get Their Nicotine Fix
Every day I drive to and from work, I see nurses huddled in an alleyway puffing away by the large dumpsters filled with garbage from local businesses. I see patients and families in a sort of ritual group circle puff. I can only imagine what they're talking about
Family Exhibit A: My dad is in the ICU on the breathing machine with an emphysema attack.
Family Exhibit B: My mom is here getting a four vessel cabbage.
Family Exhibit C: My daughter is here with an asthma attack.
Family Exhibit D: I'm actually a patient here, getting chemotherapy for lung cancer. Don't tell my doc, ha ha ha ha !
Happy: Ma'am, Happy's hospital is a nonsmoking campus. If you need to smoke, you'll have to walk several blocks to the edge of the hospital grounds.Ma'am: Oh, I didn't know that. I'll put it out.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Cheeto Pin Fashion Lapel Worn By Actor Jason Schwartzman on Jimmy Kimmel Live!.
ADDENDUM: You can find the pin by Googleing "Art metropole" + Cheeto"













