Are you stressed out at the thought of not getting help with your hospital bills? Are you worried you might have a stroke or heart attack trying to figure out how to pay for it all? Have no fear. Happy's hospital has the solution for you. Self check blood pressure monitors are not just for Walmart or Walgreens anymore.
Right at the entrance of Happy's hospital, on the way to patient accounts, you can find this conveniently placed ATM stuffed full of taxpayers' money. It's just waiting to make its way into the hospital's coffers. And thanks to Happy's hospital, you can also check your blood pressure with this conveniently placed blood pressure monitor. Unfortunately, since you've cleaned out your account to pay your hospital bill, (at least until the next stimulus plan comes), you don't have any money left to keep your Internet service so you you'll have to stop keeping track of your blood pressures at your online blood pressure chart site.
If your systolic blood pressure is over 170, the patient initiated rapid response team policy will be implemented against your will and the hospitalist will be automatically paged for blood pressure medication. Then they'll gather up your things for a direct hospital admission.
After you get that hospital bill, you can be discharged knowing you'll always have the convenience of a hospital ATM blood pressure monitor combo close by when you get your next hospital bill.
Now I get it. This is an example of stealth marketing at its finest. I think placing these blood pressure monitor cuffs right next to the hospital ATM is just part of the master business plan in the new realities of how hospitals get paid. Perhaps this is the start of something big. Perhaps all ATMs city wide will have a built in blood pressure monitor cuff and a direct line to Happy's hospitalists. It's a growth opportunity for hospitalist programs everywhere. Think of it as another hospitalist advantage to justify the current SHM/MGMA hospitalist salary compensation.
Now that's how to run a hospital.
