Hospital Consults Gone Wild: Some Of My Worst Ones Ever.

I'm going to start a list of some of my worst hospital consults and admissions ever.
Chief complaint:   My eyeballs are swollen.

Happy:  Hi Mrs Smith, what seems to be the problem

Mrs Smith:  My family says my eyeballs are swollen.

Happy:  Your eyeballs aren't swollen. They look normal

Mrs Smith:  Oh good

Happy:  We'll see you later

That will be $50 please.

Chief Complaint:  tongue pain.

Happy:  Hello Mrs Smith, I got called to see you for tongue pain
Mrs Smith:  Yes, I bit my tongue when I fell
Happy:  Let me take a look
Mrs Smith:  OK
Happy:  looks in mouth.  It looks like you bit your tongue.
Mrs Smith:  That's what I said.
Happy:  OK then, we'll see you later.

 That will be $50 please.  

Chief complaint:  Hospitalist to see prn.

Reason for consult:  Just because.