March Madness Hospitalist Bracket: And the Winner Is...!

Everyone in the world has probably filled out their own March Madness college basketball tournament bracket with the hopes of striking it rich in the office pool. But I bet nobody has filled out their own hospitalist bracket.  The Happy Hospitalist is proud to present to you the completely original and hilarious March Madness Hospitalist Bracket.  It was a tough year for hospitalist patients.  Many hard fought battles were won and lost.    If you cruise through the list you'll find common conditions like COPD and Pulmonary Embolism.  But you'll also find a few surprises.  I bet you didn't know No Body Else Wants To Admit (NEWTA) was one of the most common admitting diagnoses last year? Will they take home the title of the last hospitalized patient to be discharged?  Who it's going to be is anyone's guess! Click any image below to enlarge.

ROUND 1


You'll notice there were quite a few upsets.  The GOMER outlasted the Endocarditis.  The Migraine beat out the Pulmonary Embolism.  And the Outside Hospital With No Insurance (OHWNI) transfer somehow squeaked out a win against the  Intubated Drug Overdose.  Can you guess who will be the last patient to be discharged?  



SWEET 16  


I'm not sure how you're doing in your March Madness office pool. You might even be winning. However, there are a lot of games left to play. So take a breather and check out where the real action is. The Sweet 16 March Madness Hospitalist Bracket results are in.


In a stunning overtime upset, Migraine patient has outlasted  Multiple Sclerosis Exacerbation in her hunt to become the last patient left hospitalized.  Refuses To Go Home (RFTG) and Nobody Else Wants To DAmit (NEWTA)  both pulled off stunning upset hospital stays over the GOMER and the Not Safe For Home (NSFH).  Stay tuned for March Madness Great 8 Hospitalist Bracket updates to see who eventually becomes the last patient standing.  Any guesses?

GREAT 8


Who's going to make it to the Great 8 March Madness Hospitalist bracket?  Will Migraine send FUO home with a headache?  Will Lupus pull an ANA on Rhabdo?  Will Back Pain pull a shocker on Shock?  Here's your results of the Great 8 bracket!


It was a crazy day for March Madness!  Nobody could have ever believed Alcoholic Dementia would upset Refuses To Go Home!  Those people never leave!  And HTN Crisis outlasting Falls in a buzzer beater?  Who would have thought?  But now that the Great 8 teams have been decided, keep reading to find out if Lupus Flare advances to the final four before their 42 send out labs return for confirmation that it wasn't really a Lupus Flare after all.  Make sure to see if Old Age sends Shock packing with a celestial discharge.

FINAL FOUR 


The writing is on the wall.  The March Madness Final Four Hospitalist Bracket has  been dominated by the social nightmare.   We skipped right through the Elite Eight with few surprises.   Now, let's take a look Final Four action, shall we.  This has been a busy hoops season with many surprises.  It's been no different for our hospitalized patients.  Many got out with an early disposition home.  Some went to acute rehab and bypassed  the three midnight Medicare rule for skilled nursing facilities.  Others simply went back to their nursing home after a day or two.  Some  hung on in the hospital by technicalities.  Some developed complications that delayed their discharge.  And some simply found a way to stay in the hospital  despite  the rigorous and efficient hospitalist inpatient criteria.    But like everything in life,  all good things must come to an end.

As the Final Four Hospitalist Bracket takes shape, one thing is certain.  You don't have to be sick to be hospitalized.  Who's left standing in the Hospitalist Final Four Bracket?  The head to head action will consist of lupus flair vs EtOH dementia and shock vs nobody else wants to admit.  As you can see, we have real pathology up against the social nightmares.  If it was me, I would place my money on social nightmares any day of the week.  Sepsis kills you.  EtOH Dementia buys you a hospitel room.  Plus, the answer is never lupus.



CHAMPIONSHIP GAME


In what has turned out to be an incredible hospitalist season, the March Madness Championship Game comes down to a Battle of Will.    In a buzzer beater, Alcoholic Dementia outlasted Lupus Flare as lupus  took a rapid turn south and unexpectedly died of a massive hospital acquired pulmonary embolism.  Maybe it really was lupus afterall.  Nobody Else Wants To Admit finally found a home when the guardian from Kentucky called to say they were a part of the local VA system, resulting in immediate transfer to the VA Mecca down the road. 

Here we have it folks.  The last two patients standing in the hospital are Shock and Alcoholic Dementia.  Just like the real Championship game every year, I don't think anyone saw this coming.  Everyone else has either gone home, gone to rehab, gone to the nursing home or partook in  a celestial discharge.  We have one heck of a match up in Shock vs Alcoholic Dementia.  One patient is a perennial juggernaut.  The other is a perennial social nightmare.  Both have their claim to fame as the last patient standing.  One for reasons of medical necessity and the other for reasons of  societal abandonment.  I can't wait to see who wins this great match up!

AND THE WINNER IS...


It's been a great ride. The March Madness hospitalist bracket winner has been decided. And folks, it was a shocker.  As you know, the action in the final match up was decided  when Lupus Flare got an unexpected celestial discharge and Nobody Else Wants To Admit got transferred to the VA hospital mecca down the street.  So who won? In a shocker, Alcoholic Dementia squeezed by Shock  in a buzzer beating, nail biting, standing room only atmosphere.  How did Alcoholic Dementia manage to be the last patient standing?  Pure grit and determination.  And because no nursing home in town wanted to take care of a 45 year old  that could wander off at any moment  or slap granny in room 204 during a fit rage dementia.  They like the old decrepit patients confined to their wheel chair that guarantees years of free flowing government money.    It's always the social admits that will get you every time.  Congratulations to Alcoholic Dementia for winning the March Madness Hospitalist Bracket.  I knew you could do it.  Chalk up another win for the social nightmare!



"At my hospital, March Madness has to get in line behind February madness and January madness and December madness and..."

At my hospital, March Madness has to get in line behind February madness and January madness and December madness and nurse ecard humor photo.


This post is for entertainment purposes only and likely contains humor only understood by those in a health care profession. Read at your own risk.


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