I've accumulated some great schizophrenic quotes in my days as a hospitalist. Why do schizophrenics say the greatest things? Because they are full of the surprise factor. You just never know what you're going to get when you walk into the room to listen to a schizophrenic.
Here I am doing my history and physical and working my way through the past medical, family and social history:
Happy: Do you smoke?
Schizophrenic lady: Yes
Happy: How much do you smoke?
Schizophrenic lady: Four packs a day.
Happy: Do you have any interest in quitting?
Schizophrenic lady: No
Happy: Well then, are you allergic to anything?
Schizophrenic lady: I'm allergic to pot. I break out in a rash.
Happy: Really? Pot huh. Not cigarettes? That's a shame.
I've never heard of anyone being allergic to marijuana. So much for my new hospitalist pain control plan. Make sure to see my collection of hundreds of e-card snark today!