(HNN) Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab lay in a University of Michigan Medical Center hospital bed in Ann Arbor, Michigan getting treatment for injuries sustained during an alleged attempt to blow up Northwest Airlines Flight 253 over Michigan airspace. The FBI held guard as Mr Mutallab received his free medical care to treat severe burns sustained during his alleged terrorist attack. President Obama responded to this attempted act of terrorism from his pool side vacation villa in Hawaii:
"Does the guy have insurance? Me and my Democratic friends in Congress will make sure every terrorist has free medical care as long as I'm in office. I will make it my mission to provide free medical care to those who cannot provide for themselves. If you're a terrorist, you can count on receiving excellent free health care under my watch"
When asked to respond to allegations of free medical care for terrorists, George Bush responded:
"I told you guys before. If the guy doesn't have insurance, just send him to the ER. Now leave me alone. Dick and I are goin' turkey huntin'."
A firestorm erupted after citizens learned of the free medical care provided to terrorists in this country while the two heroic passengers were left to fend for themselves. The good samaritans who sustained injuries during their restraint of Mr Mutallab learned they will be billed thousands of dollars to cover the cost of hand x rays and bandage supplies during their emergency department visits.
One heroic passenger explained:
"I don't have insurance. The airline said they aren't responsible. They said I did what I should have done as a decent human being. The government said they aren't responsible. They said I should have bought my own health insurance."
When asked to confirm these obscene reports, Obama agreed.
"Here's a man who should have had insurance. I'm going to make it my mission as President to make sure every man, woman and child buys their own insurance. Had my policies of change already been implemented, this man would have already bought his own insurance to pay for injuries he sustained combating terrorism. It's about making sure Americans share responsibility for their health care."
While under federal custody, alleged terrorist Mr Mutallab will get unlimited health care services, paid for by the federal government. Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius confirmed these allegations.
"As long as Mr Mutallab continues to require in-patient medical care, we will pay full price for his care", she said.
In other news, The University of Michigan Medical Center was thrilled to be named the first Center of Excellence by the Obama Task For Force For Free Terrorist Medical Care A spokesman for the hospital, who wished to speak on condition of anonymity, explained:
"We love having this federal quality designation status. With Medicare and Medicaid payment rates falling quickly, we can't sustain our daily operations. At least Obama's terrorist health care policies offer us the hope and change we so desperately seek in a declining reimbursement environment. It's about time somebody paid full price for our services. We are thinking about opening satellite clinics and are working closely with Al Qaeda to become their hospital of choice for international medical tourism. We plan on opening up the Al Qaeda center for Excellent Terrorist Health Care which will be fully funded by monies paid back by the TARP fund."Mr Mutallab expressed a new found excitement about his prospect for free medical care for the rest of his life.
"Here I was trying to destroy America with my bombs. I had no idea they gave away their health care for free. This EMTALA thing is great. I'm going to tell all my friends about the wonderful land of FREE=MORE."
Copyright original story from the Happy News Network