(HNN) President Obama will introduce legislation next week that will pay off the ballooning federal deficit by 2017. Called the Hot Air Initiative, the proposal is an effort to raise trillions of dollars to pay for his social utopia. The proposal is simple. A breathing tax will tax the wealthy for every breath they take. "Carbon dioxide is a major greenhouse gas and it must be stopped", according to Obama.
Many thought Obama's Carbon Tax would be directed at pollution spewing corporations as a way to hold them accountable to the environment. But insiders, who agreed to speak on condition of anonymity, say that Obama scrapped those plans when lobbyists of big business and tobacco agreed to contribute hundreds of millions of dollars to his 2012 reelection campaign.
Instead, Obama is poised to introduce a breathing tax on the richest 5% of Americans. Holding true to his own word, this tax will not affect anyone making less than $250,000 a year. For all Americans above that threshold, they will be taxed based solely on their income.
As a progressive Carbon Tax Initiative, the more you make, the more you will be taxed. As Obama said, " Anyone making $500,000 a year must be full of hot air. And those making more than a million? Don't get me started. I can't even imagine how much carbon dioxide they're spewing into the environment. It's time to let the poor breath clean air once again."
On a surprise note, Obama and company said they will also introduce sister legislation that will drastically affect the lives of smokers everywhere. As a smoker and a rich man, Obama plans to introduce the Obamarama amendment that would entitle all smokers an exemption from any Carbon Tax Initiative, regardless of income. After promising not to raise taxes on anyone making less than $250,000 a year, Obama felt the time to act was now to win back the hearts of smokers that he lied to.
The medical rationale is simple. According to Obama's physician advisers, smokers are incapable of exhaling all their carbon dioxide with every breath. As such, they should not be penalized with a Carbon Tax. In fact, they should be rewarded for breathing out less greenhouse gases. Obama was overheard saying, "The more carbon dioxide we can prevent in exhalation, the better off our air will be. Let's do it. Let's give them free cash."
Anonymous sources have also indicated Obama's plans for a second sister amendment that gives all first time smokers an $8,000 environmental carbon tax credit as a way of saying thank you for saving the environment. They will also receive $4,000 in smokes for every smoking cessation aide they bring to a Walmart disposal center. Why Walmart you ask? "We owe the Chinese a lot of money," Obama was heard saying.