You've heard of a tetrad. You've probably heard of a quadrad. But I'm sure you've never heard of a Vetrad? A Vetrad is that patient who carries with them the combination of disease states that only the body of a Vet can withstand. You see, it takes a lot to kill a Vet. As Vets age, they don't die, they simply collect more diseases. They are a haven for students and resident physicians to learn how to manage advanced stages of many common disease states.
Vets who walk around with two pneumatocytes and two myocytes, each fighting each other for that last breath of fresh air, neither willing to concede defeat. To achieve Vetrad status, means you are one tough cookie. Here's my definition of a Vetrad. You have to have all of the following characteristics to qualify for Vetrad status.
Vets who walk around with two pneumatocytes and two myocytes, each fighting each other for that last breath of fresh air, neither willing to concede defeat. To achieve Vetrad status, means you are one tough cookie. Here's my definition of a Vetrad. You have to have all of the following characteristics to qualify for Vetrad status.
- COPD, oxygen dependent
- CHF with an EF 30% or less
- BiV ICD pacer, replaced at least once
- Afib, chronic, on coumadin dosing
- CAD with CABG, 4 vessels or more
- a left bundle branch block
- Two heart attacks
- At least one stroke
- HTN, uncontrolled
- DM II, on insulin, with a HgBA1C greater than or equal to 9
- hypercholesterolemia
- Neuropathy
- Retinopathy
- CKD stage III or worse
- Proteinuria
- Symptomatic peripheral artery disease with one failed bypass graft
- An aortic aneurysm, enlarging
- At least one cancer that you've beat
- And one cancer actively being treated
- Chronic back pain with two failed surgeries
- Bad knees
- At least three missing toes, in any combination
- At least seven missing teeth, one of which must be your front teeth
- The stench of smoke, despite taking a shower
- 22 different daily medications. Or more
- Your own Little Rascal, paid for by your doctor's taxes
- And finally at least seven no show appointments a year
Wow, pretty harsh, I usually thank them for beating the Germans/Japanese/Koreans/,whoever even if they're a Vietnam Vet I just imagine that they shot some Dope-Smoking Hippies at Kent State and that makes it better. Of course, I'm a Vet myself so I know what Dirtbags they are, first hand. And I'd NEVER go to a VA hospital.. are you kidding?!?!? I saw "Born on the 4th of July". Can't wait for your MLK day post,
ReplyDeleteFrank Drackman
Frank. It was not meant to be insulting. Vets really do have advanced stages of illness and are invaluable to education. Of course a lot of it was tongue in cheek as well.
ReplyDeleteJust Bustin Balls Happy, I've tried to transfer Vetrads to the VA myself, well not since Internship when I was too stupid to realize the futility. What sticks in my craw are the Non-War Veterans who served 6 months back in 1978 and somehow qualify for benefits. BTW, NICE photo, looks like you're a member of the tribe too,
ReplyDeleteFrank Drackman