A few days ago I blogged about the sleeping husband sign and how it can be the cheapest yet most informative test available to ER docs everywhere. A reader responded with the MFer sign. In the interest of fostering a learning environment here in Happy's world, I thought this sign deserved front and center.
Anonymous said...
Don't forget the classic calling the doctor an MF'er sign. When done by a family member when you refuse to write their mother/brother/sister narcotics because they are malingering then you know that they are in on the game as well and need their drugs. Yes it happened to me. I did not write the narcotics and the patient's daughter got up to push me so I walked out of the exam room. The kicker is that the next day the patient called the office wanting a medical note to turn her power back on after she didn't pay the bill. If you or your family calls me an MF'er I don't turn on your power or write you narcotics.
Any others?
If you're a student or a resident, it's time to tuck away these other great medical signs:
- Handsome Sign
- Sleeping Husband sign
- O and Q sign
- Twenty sign
- How to find a lost cell phone in the hospital: Happy's honesty sign
- Texting in the ER sign
- Band-Aid sign
- Intact Humor Reflex sign
- Fibromyallergia sign
- Denture Stains sign
- Square Root sign
- And while you're at it, check out these funny homeless signs.
Here are a few others....
ReplyDeleteHyperdocumentation sign - when the patient's spouse starts writing everything you say down, for their lawyer.
Administrator sign - when the end of the visit (and lack of narcotics) results in the patient giving the customary salutation “I am a friend of the CEO of this hospital and he is going to hear about this”. Often followed by a visit from a representative from the carpeted section carrying a clipboard with the standard voluminous “You are a meaningless piece of crap for insulting one of our guests” paperwork.
Resurrection Sign - the patient is so angry about their care he storms out the ER, forgetting 10 minutes ago he was paralyzed.
Brush With Rush Sign - occurs when the patient is on the cellphone, making you wait, and tells the harrowing tale of how he “rushed” to the emergency, had to wait 6 hours in the waiting room, followed by (if you wait) an intricate detailed description of the pain level in each nerve fiber. If you leave, see talking to the halls sign.
Talking To The Halls Sign - Occurs when you are with another patient in the next room and the patient is loudly overheard complaining about the lack of pain meds, the species of your mother, and what acts you should do with a goat to the suddenly deaf spouse/caretaker.
HIPPA-i-o-ki-yay Sign ... you confront the patient about the visit to another ER (where you also work) yesterday for pain meds and how his story has changed. Spouse/caretaker threatens a HIPPA violation.
DumbA$$ Sign - the patient didn't realize that the case of beer he drinks every day qualifies as alcohol consumption.
ReplyDeleteDumberA$$ Sign - the patient tells you she smokes marijuana and asks you for narcotic medication and a benzo for nonspecific back pain - all in the same sentence.
DumbestA$$ Sign - the patient asks you to write a letter stating that you're treating him with a narcotic (even though you're not) so that he can pass a pre-employment drug screen.
Suitcase sign - when the family comes to the ER with a suitcase and argues that Grandpa really needs to be admitted for something the ER can't find.
ReplyDeleteanonymous
ReplyDeletewe call that "thud" sign. Sound of one suitcase dropping. Double "thud" sign is two suitcases, and a indicating a worsening disposition prognosis...