While doing my daily rounds I happened upon our friendly local Jewish pulmonologist who has spread his wings beyond the daily grind of medicine into horticulture. He owns a nursery. And quite a successful one. It turns out the land used to have Christmas trees on it. While clearing the land for the nursery, he sold off the Christmas trees.
How many Jewish Christmas tree farmers do you know?
I know one.
Anyway, we talked about our patient. How horribly sick she looked. How we didn't think she would live until tomorrow. I got there first and had ordered the blood gas and chest xray. He said he didn't think the xray would change much, that the lungs sounded decent. I said I couldn't hear anything in her lungs. He asked me if I was deaf. I showed him my stethoscope. Less than a couple years old, it already had a small rip in the hollow tubing at the base, where the metal meets the tubing. He said, "Give me that thing. I'll fix it."
Now, I'm getting a little nervous. These things aren't cheap. He pulls out a pocket knife.
"What the hell", I'm thinking. What did I get myself into?
"This is how the country boys fix things", he says.
He splices my stethoscope in half. Cuts off the torn part and jams the hollow tubing right back into place. The dang thing worked.
A tree surgeon? Yes. A stethoscope repair surgeon? Apparently yes. A human surgeon? Run Forest! Run!
(I wouldn't have to go through all this if I just used a cheap pink dedicated stethoscope)
(I wouldn't have to go through all this if I just used a cheap pink dedicated stethoscope)
What? No duct tape?!? That's how we southern boys fix things.
ReplyDeleteGlad to know our beloved hospitalists are so cheap and broke they can't buy a new stethoscope the better to save our lives with. Maybe I am taking this too seriously.
ReplyDeleteYeah, and the shorter the tubing, the better the acoustics, too. Plus you are a couple inches closer to your patient. Unfortunately, the ones who need human contact the most are usually the ones with halitosis, shower allergy, and Jim Carey pedicure needs. (Well, I'm a nurse--maybe doctors don't think about how therapeutic human touch can be.)
ReplyDeleteAnd the tutor at my nursing school actually makes his own 'scopes with things like x ray film and scavenged parts. The silly things work as well as any Littmann, too!
Ahh reminds me of an attending from medical school we called "Flash" for his slow rounding. A pulmonologist by training, he would listen endlessly to every patients lungs no matter what there primary problem was. Insisted you pronounce "Rales" as "Rowls" and NOT "Rails". One day a he left his stethescope unattended, and we plugged the tubing with tissue paper. As luck would have it, he got called to his office. The next day he returned with a new stethescope with transparent tubing, and the 5 hour rounds returned.
ReplyDeletefunny stuff all. Yes, anon, you are taking it way to seriously. Seriously
ReplyDeleteGuess it's because I have been a patient and encountered hospitalists who never even stuck their head in the room, or could not speak English understandably, or wanted--offhandedly--to do those expensive upcoded procedures you describe "just in case." It's made me cynical. Bad me!
ReplyDelete