Grand Rounds Is Here, Turn Off Your Dang Cell Phone

Welcome one and all to my very first Grand Rounds. I was handed Volume 4 Number 37 by the one and only Nicholas Genes of Blogborygmi fame. Thank you Nick for this opportunity. It is an honor to present to you all the greatest the web has to offer this week, organized in my own Happy little way. As many movie do gooders have learned, all actors and actresses in this universe can be traced back to Kevin Bacon through a maximum of 6 movies. Aptly known as the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. Well, Blog do gooders, I will show you how every brilliant blogger this week can be traced to Happy in six links or less. In order of receipt, I would like to present

The Six Degrees of Happy Bacon. Here is my inspiration. This is really friggen cool.

1) The Monash Medical Student is a machine. An endurance animal, tackling a 45 K marathon on the cliffs of Melbourne and medical training at the same time. I heard he can even tie a perfect knot while running up hill.

Monash Medical Student--->Blogborygmi-->Happy (2 degrees)

2) Everyone can be a pain in the ass at some point. But it takes rlbates at Suture For a Living to fix the pain in your abdomen. There's even a nasty lookin' neat picture.

Suture for a Living-->Junk Food Science-->Happy (2 degrees)

3) I've been waiting an hour dang it! Ian Furst of Wait Time & Delayed Care dissects open access scheduling in this three part series. Why didn't I think of that?

Wait Time & Delayed Care-->Rural Doctoring-->Happy (2 degrees)

4) Do you remember Quincy? Or heart throb Trapper John MD? Or that pimpin' home body Warcus Welby? Peter Zavislak at Medical Pastiche does.

Medical Pastiche-->Happy (1 degree, YEAH!)

5) Where can you read about "doing an Elvis" while looking at pictures of an Air Force Colonel vomiting on himself? There's only one place. The Fitness Fixer. Nice, I tell ya. Nice.

The Fitness Fixer-->Musings Of A Dinosaur-->Happy (2 degrees)

6) Bring out yer dead...That means you, you healthy 24 year old productive to society do gooder. Or so says the infamous Dr. John Crippen of NHS Blog Doctor fame, as he clogs up the internet once again. Statins rule state side yung chap!

NHS Blog Doctor-->Happy Hospitalist (1 degree YEAH!)

7) I lost my supinator in high school. Really dude? Yeah, she had awesome pronators. (overheard at an orthopaedic cocktail party). Dr Penna explains.

Dr Penna-->MediNews-->Medagadget-->Happy (3 degrees)

8) Laughing can make you pregnant. For real. Check it out. So says JC Jones at Healthline Connects. In a double header, JC also brings us a three act play: The Plaque That Hamlet Built. It's a tear jerker. Don't let your homeboys see you cry.

Healthline Connects-->Joshua Schwimmer-->Kidney Notes-->Fat Doctor (Twitter)-->HappyHospitalist Twitter-->Happy (5 degrees)

9)Wiiabetes and Phone-Ga on the Wii-kends? Somebody call 911. Amy Tenderich is having a Diabetes Mine Reaction.

Diabetes Mine--> Running A Hospital-->Happy (2 degrees)

10) I got a shot in my gut from a A Shot In The Dark. This sucks. You are an angel Sandra.

Shot In The Dark-->Diabetes Mine--> Running A Hospital-->Happy (3 degrees)

11) Bongi's professor goes ape shit at other things amanzi. Next time this happens you should come prepared bro

other things amanzi-->Buckeye Surgeon (comments)-->Happy (2 degrees)

12) A shocking story about grandma at band camp. Medicare ain't gonna help you out here toots. Dr. Paul Auerbach talks about these potential battle scars of Medicine for the Outdoors

Medicine for the Outdoors-->Straight Talk From The Stanford ER(comments)-->EmergencyEMM bolgger profile-->Backboards and Band-aids-->Happy (4 degrees)

13) Good night Gilbert. Good night Lewis. Good night Lamar. Good night Wormser. Good night Takashi. Good night Poindexter. A Chronic Dose: A Chronic Illness Blog reminds us what to strive for in life. Good night Booger.

A Chronic Dose-->Dr Val and the Voice of Reason-->Happy (2 degrees)

14) Those conspiring evil democratic bastards. There. I said it. Dr Rich explains why at The Covert Rationing Blog. He also shows you a picture of the alien buried deep under Area 54.

Covert Rationing Blog-->Happy (1 degree, YEAH!)

15) $20 bucks for a suck. And we only take loonies. This is Canadian Medicine, Russian Style.

Canadian Medicine-->KevinMD-->Happy (2 degrees)

16) Tiered Docs? Insureblog says so. Well, two can play that game. How about tiered insurance. I get to pay less for every phone call I have to make to do someone's job (my defined quality indicator). Sounds good to me. Where do I sign up? Let's see, 17 phone calls this week, at $100 a call, that comes out to...

Insureblog-->Happy (one degree, YEAH!)

17) A couple of women releasing stuff over here. To be frank with you, it scares me a bit. Enter at your own caution to Chronic Babe

Chronic Babe-->Canadian Medicine-->Everything Health-->Happy (3 degrees)

18) Doc Gurley says: "Could kill you, doesn't work". America says: "I'll take it." I would expect nothing less of you America.

Doc Gurley-->Musings of a Dinosaur-->Dinosaur (comments)-->Happy (3 degrees)

19) The Back Pain Blog explains why this is an appropriate response for the the ER's favorite 2 am frequent flyer: "Come back in 6 months and we'll talk. Now get out'a here. I'm right in the middle of Jewel Quest."

The Back Pain Blog-->Back Pain Blog Forum-->Musings of a Dinosaur-->Dinosaur (comments)-->Happy (4 degrees)

20) 17 hours of Pac Man and the poor chap has lost his mind. Come on in and have some fun with jamesloganmd.com.

jamesloganmd.com-->gruntdoc-->parallel universes-->Happy (3 degrees)

21) If you've never heard of a fake chiasm, you have now. Marianas Eye walks you through this remarkable story. A can't miss.

Marianas Eye-->Revolution Health-->Dr Val-->KevinMD-->Happy (4 degrees)

22) What are retired surgeon generals doing these days? Eating vanilla ice cream at the Kum By Ya Ranch and making oodl'es of cash. Oh yeah, and fighting chronic disease and obesity too. Dr Val and the Voice of Reason leaves no stone unturned. Great job Val.

Dr Val-->KevinMD-->Happy (2 degrees)

23) Ylo, says the Champ. Has anyone patted this guy down? Be careful Medi-Medi. If he comes to class in the middle of summer wearing a really long heavy coat, run Forest run.

Medi-Medi-->KevinMD-->Happy (2 degrees)

24) She wants me to do a bunch of math. I don't want to. I win. Better luck next month ERNursey. That's in about.. umm...well...you do the math.

ERNursey-->Happy (1 degree YEAH!)

25) I've got a Himalayan salt crystal I could sell you. Or you could go punch yourself in the face and call it even. Gown Open 2 the Back explains it all.

Gown Open 2 the Back-->Happy (1 degree YEAH!)

26) You pervert. Don't you have anything better to do? Dr Schwimmer at Technology In Medicine doesn't think so. He also won't tell you about how he sacrifices chickens in this ritualistic approach to medicine over at Efficient MD . You just have to read between the lines. Get some therapy man.

Technology In Medicine-->Doctor's on Twitter-->Happy's Twitter-->Happy (3 degrees)

27) Unabated physician bashing. Haven't you heard? All doctors hate gay people. Doctor Anonymous points out the blatant assault on physician rights.

Doctor Anonymous-->KevinMD-->Happy (2 degrees)

28) Sticks and stones can break my bones but names are where the real pain happens. Guess what Dr. Rob at Musings of a Distractible Mind called the huge fat lady that invades his office daily. Dr Rob also has a big shark filled swimming pool and encourages his patients to jump in and pull a three stooges on their ass.

Musings of a Distractible Mind-->White Coat Rants-->Happy (2 degrees)

29) Some things people never forget. Like the punk who stole your CD collection out of your car. Or the wife who didn't get a card for Valentine's day. Vitum Medicinus will never forget his rage in this.

Vitum Medicinus-->Fat Doctor-->Happy (2 degrees)

30) If you really trust your smelly neighbor with the beady eyes; the guy who only comes out at night; if you really trust him, then Clinical Cases and Images suggests you let him mess wik around with your... bulk order of flax seed flour that you sneaked through customs on the back of a 20 year old mule.

Clinical Cases and Images-->Happy (1 degree, YEAH!)

31) Rock Paper Scissors. Man, Thanks to Teen Health 411, I'll never look at this game the same ever again. What ever happened to the good ol' fashioned slam the door in your parent's face?

Teen Health 411-->Tech Medicine-->Doctors on Twitter-->Happy Twitter-->Happy (4 degrees)

32) Healthblawg reports that the L&M LLC, in partnership with LIA and LG, have been contracted by CMS to develop IEMs. Those darn dogooders are at the Medicare National Bank are at it again. The way I see it, you can all KMA while I CMA and take a nice long trip to Disney World.

Healthblawg-->WSJ Health-->Happy's Famous Picture-->Happy (3 degrees)

33) "Doc, It hurts when I go like this." Caring Doc: "Ok then, I need you to go like that for one hour and so help me God, if you move out of that position for even a second, I'm going to come down there and show you what real pain feels like." That's How To Cope With Pain

How To Cope With Pain-->A Chronic Dose-->Running A Hospital-->Happy (3 degrees)

34) Fruit of the Womb offers some straight talkin' solutions to the problem of teen pregnancy. Eleven year olds? Damn. That's terrible. I offer my one and only solution. Duct Tape. Hell, it works.

Fruit of the Womb-->Tech Medicine-->Kidney Notes-->Happy's Twitter-->Happy (4 degrees)

35) Only dog lovers really understand. In Sickness and in Health says good bye to Mina

In Sickness and in Health-->Running a Hospital-->Happy (2 degrees)

36) Pick a number. Any number. Thus is born the new Medical Home Model, according to e-Care Managment blog

e-Care Managment blog-->MedGadget-->Finalist for Best New Blog 2007-->Happy (3 degrees)

37) Donald Trump says You're Fired. Colorado Health Insurance Insider says take your job and shove it. We don't need your stinkin' health insurance. At least not for 18 months.

Colorado Health Insurance Insider-->Managed Care Matters-->KevinMD-->Happy (3 degrees)

38) Toni Brayer at Everything Health waited 163 hours to deliver her masterpiece. Good job Toni. She explains why Universal remote controls are worthless if you program them while you're drunk and stupid.

Everything Health-->Happy (1 degree YEAH!!)

39) 15 minutes past my deadline. You're lucky my wife is a nurse. Myra asked her kids at My Journey what a nurse does. "Nurses help the doctors by doing what the doctor says to do."

If you ask me, that sounds more like a wife beater.

My Journey-->About a Nurse-->ER Nursey-->Happy (3 degrees)

That's it folks. The movie is over. Eat up. Popcorn prices are rising. And please clean up after yourselves. I thank everyone for their brilliance this week. I am a bit disappointed that I am only separted by one degree from a small hand full of you all. Get off your lazy blogging butts and put me in your blog roll. The Happy Hospitalist. I shouldn't have to work so hard to find Happy's thumb print in every part of internet on my way to world domination.

Join that crazy nut Dr John Crippen over at NHS Blog Doctor for next week's edition on June 10th. If you haven't checked out his stuff, you don't know what you're missing. He's done gone lost his mind. And John, if you're reading this, it's about time you put me on your roll. I got nothing else to say to you until then, you arrogant bloke.

Cheer-ee-oh.