Heartastroke

At my hospital, the ED physicians use their own computer system, that is separate and independent of the hospital wide computer system.

Their notes read like giant legal documents.

A result of the irrational legal climate and irrational payment rates these days.

These data systems maximize the capture of revenue.

I can guarantee you that 100%.

Knowing what I know about billing, coding, payment, collection, these systems are created to maximize the revenue stream.  

I see it every day in the chart when I admit a patient to the hospital.

It is a consequence of the system.  A reaction to it.  A reaction to the complexity of the rules and regulations established by the Medicare National Bank.

It serves no purpose in patient management and evaluation.

So I find the following a LMAO moment.

The ER docs were asked,  since they enter their own orders/data/diagnosis etc....

They were asked to submit additional drop down clicking buttons for the diagnosis entry portion of their patient encounters.  One ER doctor took this task very seriously and submitted, what I believe to be an almost all encompassing assortment of ER medicine.  It is a bible of ER medicine diagnostic codes.  

And here they are...  From the front lines of ER medicine....

ISOBO-  Inappropriate Secretion of  Offensive Bodily Odor

Failure to Parent

Abdominal pain of absolutely no significance

Vitamin IQ deficiency

Cultural traits precluding diagnosis

Dizziness of no possible cause

Symptoms requiring  consultation from the Mayo Clinic

Globus Stupidicus

Overdose in order to get attention from my pathetic family

Failure to contribute to society

Food seeking behavior

Heartastroke (subconsciously confusing the symptoms of a heart attack and a stroke so that you have an impossible combination of both)

Obnoxious Genitalia

Destined for prison

Lacking viable cognitive resources

Neck pain because it wasn't my fault

Unemployable

Ficticious illness

Mental Health Hospice

Unrealistic Familial Expectations

Examination after rejection from a nursing home

Putrid feet-w/alcholism

Typical Teenager

Non-febrile illness

Needs a spanking

Thanks for the laugh fella's

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