Here's a list of a few funny, no hilarious, ER diagnosis codes that every great ER doctor is thinking but doesn't have the guts to put in the chart. I discovered these after joining a super secret club of cynical burned out doctors on the verge of quitting The Game. From the front lines of ER medicine, I present to you this list of funny ER diagnosis codes. These are not all Happy originals, but I wish they were. They are genius in their simplicity, imagery and truthfulness. Feel free to add others in the comments section. God Bless ER doctors!
- ISOBO- Inappropriate Secretion of Offensive Bodily Odor
- Failure to Parent
- Abdominal pain of absolutely no significance
- Vitamin IQ deficiency
- Cultural traits precluding diagnosis
- Dizziness of no possible cause
- Symptoms requiring consultation from the Mayo Clinic
- Globus Stupidicus
- Overdose in order to get attention from my pathetic family
- Failure to contribute to society
- Food seeking behavior
- Heartastroke (subconsciously confusing the symptoms of a heart attack and a stroke so that you have an impossible combination of both)
- Obnoxious Genitalia
- Destined for prison
- Lacking viable cognitive resources
- Neck pain because it wasn't my fault
- Unemployable
- Ficticious illness
- Mental Health Hospice
- Unrealistic Familial Expectations
- Examination after rejection from a nursing home
- Putrid feet-w/alcholism
- Typical Teenager
- Non-febrile illness
- Needs a spanking
- Acute exacerbation of chronic nonsense.
LII
ReplyDelete(Laugh Induced Incontinence)
"Mental Health Hospice
ReplyDeleteUnrealistic Familial Expectations"
We're too busy with the second ones to take the first ones!
I've been saying for years that if "poor coping skills" were a codable diagnosis, we'd all be rich!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant!
ReplyDeleteI'd add Intractable Jackass to this list.
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ReplyDeletenot on any automated dropdown list. generated on mock forms and tacked to break room wallboard, by some imminently burned-out, brilliant, battle hardened git. ask me how i know...
ReplyDelete/assuming room temperature
//cancel christmas
//dirt nap
///ECU (eternal care unit)
personal faves